Prince of Persia - Orange Juice/Settling Scores/Steve Jobs

Orange Juice

Amir [1:37 PM]:
Have you ever heard about the moral fiber and the relationship with Orange juice in this video

Mezz0 [1:38 PM]:
Cute guy!

Amir [1:38 PM]:
Very cute, Word

Mezz0 [1:38 PM]:
I think the guy might be cuter than the woman. He has feminine features, doesn’t he?

Amir [1:39 PM]:
Does for sure. both good to have them in the bed

Mezz0 [1:39 PM]:
WTF are you talking about?

Amir [1:40 PM]:
remember you said we do not throw the person from our bed

Mezz0 [1:40 PM]:
Oh right

Mezz0 [1:40 PM]:
You mean you wouldn't kick them out of bed.

Amir [1:40 PM]:
Yes, you got it dude

Mezz0 [1:40 PM]:
I wouldn’t either. The real question is, with that hot guy, is the juice worth the squeeze, or will the juice get in your eye and/or up your nose?

Amir [1:41 PM]:
Booya Colonel – much worth the squeeze

Settling Scores


Amir [12:10 PM]:
suppose to be Directory/incoming/

Mezz0 [12:10 PM]:
So those assholes changed the directory structure without telling us? WTF!

Amir [12:11 PM]:
they add a subdir called incoming which confuse the hell of us

Mezz0 [12:11 PM]:
No shit

Amir [12:11 PM]:
yes shit

Mezz0 [12:11 PM]:
Do you want me to fly to Massachusetts and bash their fucking skulls inside out? You say the word. I will destroy them.

Amir [12:12 PM]:
shitcan them please if it is easy for you

Mezz0 [12:13 PM]:
I am dead serious. I've never liked people from the east coast, and have been looking for an excuse to do this type of thing for years.

Amir [12:14 PM]:
I know, but business is business brother

Mezz0 [12:14 PM]:
No goofing. How soon can you be ready to leave? I will need back up in case they are armed.

Amir [12:14 PM]:
Asap. just ping me. always ready to be backup for my bro

Mezz0 [12:14 PM]:
Do you have any martial arts/fighting skills? Can you shoot straight.

Amir [12:15 PM]:
I can learn it very fast. Trust me. I am Iranian.

Mezz0 [12:15 PM]:
At the very least, being from Iran, you should know how to plant explosives, right?

Amir [12:15 PM]:
we can even beat them with sticks, how about that?

Mezz0 [12:15 PM]:
I like the way you think.

Amir [12:15 PM]:
it will scare the hell of these guys, cause they are not use to it

Mezz0 [12:16 PM]:
There are no Iranians east of Sandusky, Ohio, I know this for a fact.

Amir [12:16 PM]:
I do not know much above these stuff, I give them some love the format can be sticks or something like that

Mezz0 [12:16 PM]:
Is that code for ass raping?

Amir [12:16 PM]:
you got it, you are esmart

Mezz0 [12:17 PM]:
Thumbs up, bro

Amir [12:17 PM]:
great chat, lets make a commitment. Signed with blood.

Mezz0 [12:17 PM]:
I'll meet you out front in twenty minutes. Don't forget to bring your toothbrush and a change of underwear.

Amir [12:17 PM]:
I copy that

Mezz0 [12:18 PM]:
This might be a one way trip, so I suggest you use your time to say your good bye's to your loved ones.

Amir [12:18 PM]:
I will text them

Mezz0 [12:18 PM]:
Good idea – save time.

Amir [12:18 PM]:
roger roger

Mezz0 [12:19 PM]:
Over and out, Captain

Amir [12:19 PM]:
over, inner and more inner Colonel Duke

Steve Jobs Death

Mezz0 [4:26 PM]:
Captain

Amir [4:26 PM]:
Roger, please call me Jobs if you don't mind

Amir [4:26 PM]:
just for today

Mezz0 [4:26 PM]:
Captain Jobs?

Amir [4:27 PM]:
throw it, what

Mezz0 [4:27 PM]:
You were just joking about not being attracted to me, right?

Amir [4:27 PM]:
no goofing otherwise, I will get behind you

Mezz0 [4:28 PM]:
I think I am asking a fair question.

Amir [4:28 PM]:
cause I am a guy

Mezz0 [4:28 PM]:
If I was a woman, would you find me attractive?

Mezz0 [4:28 PM]:
Same personality, but with a woman's body.

Amir [4:28 PM]:
if I was a you, and you were me, you can answer your question?

Mezz0 [4:28 PM]:
Yes, I can

Mezz0 [4:28 PM]:
If you were a woman, and I was single, I would date you.

Amir [4:29 PM]:
I do not have a imaginary mind when it comes to op. sex

Mezz0 [4:29 PM]:
OK

Amir [4:29 PM]:
I prefer real you know what I talking abut right

Mezz0 [4:38 PM]:
Copy that, Captain Jobs

Amir [4:38 PM]:
fo shizle my nizle?

Mezz0 [4:40 PM]:
Copy that, Captain Jobs. I will be honest, this was not the answer I was looking for, and might have to place a little call to the department of homeland security, if you catch my drift.

Amir [4:40 PM]:
Ok colonel, I will say your hot coz don’t make that call

Mezz0 [4:40 PM]:
Really?

Amir [4:40 PM]:
Yes sir 100%

Mezz0 [4:40 PM]:
Excellent.

Roger, Roger



The Persian developer I work with orders lunch for pick up on a daily basis. There are more than thirty places within walking distance of our office, and prior to phoning in the order, he asks me if I want anything. If I do, he orders the food, walks to the restaurant, delivers it to my desk, and attempts to undercharge me. Every once in a while when I know he’s busy, I’ll return the favor.

What follows is the actual transcript from today:

Mezz0 [1:58 PM]:
Yo

Amir [1:58 PM]:
Yep

Mezz0 [1:58 PM]:
Have you eaten yet?

Amir [1:59 PM]:
no shit

Mezz0 [2:00 PM]:
When you use "no shit" to mean "of course not," you have to say it in response to a statement. For example:

"You must be hungry"
"No shit" (of course I'm hungry)

Amir [2:01 PM]:
roger Roger* - WTF are we going to eat? any shit is ok

Mezz0 [2:01 PM]:
Do you want to eat the shit food from the shit deli place?

Amir [2:02 PM]:
yes shir - do whatever shit you wanna do, I am hell ya with that

Amir [2:03 PM]:
2 shit burgers

Mezz0 [2:03 PM]:
2 shit burgers, coming right up

*He loves referencing “Airplane”

Conversations with the Prince of Persia: On Being American

Online chat with my co-worker from Iran:

Amir [11:58 AM]:
american

Mezz0 [11:58 AM]:
Yes Sir, and proud to be one.

Amir [11:58 AM]:
buddy, you gonna home grab your lunch there?

Mezz0 [11:58 AM]:
We live in the best country in the world.

Amir [11:58 AM]:
I like the answer I will be citizen soon. God bless America

Mezz0 [11:59 AM]:
I am sorry that you will not be a citizen sooner, because you cannot imagine the pride in my heart at living in this wonderful country.

Amir [11:59 AM]:
uou are right about that, but hey, seems you never visited my country

Mezz0 [11:59 AM]:
All that's in your country is sand and camels. And people that beat each other with sticks

Amir [12:00 PM]:
seems you want to get bitten by stickes right

Mezz0 [12:00 PM]:
You need to work on your English prior to becoming an American. That didn't make any sense

Mezz0 [12:00 PM]:
Did you mean "beaten" by "sticks"? They'll never give you citizenship at this rate.

Amir [12:01 PM]:
yes, that is what I meant, I am shorteing the words master

Mezz0 [12:01 PM]:
I understand. Thankfully, in this country, we have a sophisticated justice system that prevents the wonton beating of innocent civilians (for the most part)

Mezz0 [12:02 PM]:
Although, by God, we are tough on terrorists...You can forget about justice if you're a terrorist. (Or if they think you're a terrorist)

Amir [12:02 PM]:
ok, fair enough, that is why I law this country, but does not hurt much if you visit the camel country

Mezz0 [12:03 PM]:
I don't care for totalitarian regimes that endeavor to wipe our allies off the map. When you folks turn your back on your theocratic ways and embrace capitalism and free trade, then we'll talk.

Amir [12:04 PM]:
allright, allright, I roger that

Mezz0 [12:05 PM]:
You guys have potential, though, don't get me wrong.

Mezz0 [12:06 PM]:
I mean, people that created lubia polo can't be all bad.

Amir [12:06 PM]:
lol

Amir [12:07 PM]:
I like your type of judgement man and you are damn right

Mezz0 [12:07 PM]:
Don't much care for your music - sounds like a bunch of high-pitched screetching and wailing, but good looking women, too, did I mention that?

Amir [12:08 PM]:
no, you just mention that - you should mention it first as a true American

Mezz0 [12:08 PM]:
Wow - +1 for you - You are more American than I thought. In some ways, perhaps, even more American than I am.

Amir [12:08 PM]:
I am a true amecian, ...

Mezz0 [12:09 PM]:
In spirit, of course, you don't have papers or anything. Let's not get carried away.

Amir [12:09 PM]:
yeah, that is why is am hear man, you should mention in earlier

Mezz0 [12:09 PM]:
Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it. We can both help each other become more American.

Mezz0 [12:10 PM]:
Hint #1: Stop pronouncing your Ws like Vs

Amir [12:10 PM]:
yes, I buy that idea

Mezz0 [12:10 PM]:
Good! Repeat after me, “What’s your vector, Victor?”

Amir [12:10 PM]:
roger, good catch

Mezz0 [12:10 PM]:
Hint #2: Eat more french fries, like, every day (you'll get used to it)

Amir [12:11 PM]:
I have the potential to love ffries,

Mezz0 [12:11 PM]:
Excellent!

Amir [12:11 PM]:
I can do it, believe me

Mezz0 [12:11 PM]:
Hint #3: Don't get in someone's face when you are talking to them - American's like staying at arm's length

Amir [12:12 PM]:
good point, I remember that, with some exception, you know what I am talking about, if she is hot, I can resist, you agree that right

Mezz0 [12:13 PM]:
Good clarification - If you are macking on some fly girl at the club, and she's grinding up in your shit, that's totally cool…(and very American)

Amir [12:14 PM]:
right, hey, in the context of lubia polo, boss and I ordering now, do you want to order or you are going home

Mezz0 [12:14 PM]:
Yeah - I want some lubia polo,and a side of forshi - nothing more American than that

We Are Teh World


"But I have told the enemies ... that this nation ... will strike you in the face so hard you will lose your way home"

- Ahmadinejad
Mezz0 [2:48PM]:
So waht does Ahmadinejad mean by "in the face"?

Amir [2:48PM]:
This is a farsi sentence, which means we will hit our fist in to your face! people sometimes say it is a hook, i.e. I will give this guy two hooks, one right hook and one left...

Mezz0 [2:48 PM]:
So it's like a figure of speech? Like how Americans sometimes say, "I'm going to kick your butt"

Amir [2:49 PM]:
exactly man, we have things in common

Mezz0 [2:49 PM]:
We're not so different after all. Why must we fight each other?

Amir [2:50 PM]:
that is damnn right man, we should not and we will not, I am possitive

Mezz0 [2:50 PM]:
We can admire each other's women, etc.

Amir [2:50 PM]:
I feel the same way,

Mezz0 [2:50 PM]:
Do you have any sisters?

Amir [2:50 PM]:
unfortunatly not, but you know we all brothers and sisters - from Adam

Mezz0 [2:51 PM]:
Gross

I'd smurf that smurf up the smurf


The Persian developer I work with has taken to using the already versitile word, "shit," into a noun, adjective, adverb, exclamation, and other parts of speech that I probably could have identified at one point.

I'm a little worried that my vulgarity has rubbed off on him, and he does not realize that using a word like "shit" is generally OK in an office environment when used in moderation, or in the company of other vulgar people, but blurting out "shit" every other word like a smurf with Tourrettes is not generally acceptable. It's only a matter of time before someone with sensitive ears gets offended, which is bullshit if you ask me.

Ugly Americans


In March of 1998, I was riding a bus in Germany from Munich to Dachau. Everyone on board was either keeping themselves occupied, or quietly talking to the person next to them until the bus made a stop, and four people stomped on board. They were loud and obnoxious, and although we were on opposite ends of the bus, it was immediately apparent that they were from the east coast of the United States. I was irritated by their noise and lack of consideration, and embarrassed to be associated with them. When they finally got off of the bus, a backpacker close by turned to me and whispered "no wonder everyone hates us!"

I sit next to a guy from Iran named Amir. He's insane – sort of like a Persian Kramer. He recently told me a story about moving from Iran to Canada. The first time he took the subway in Toronto, he was confused because nobody was talking. He asked the person next to him, "Why is everyone so quiet?" The person responded, "People here just try to be polite and not disturb others around them." A few stops later, three people stomped on board and began talking in loud voices. Andy thought to himself, "I wonder where these people are from? Wherever it is – I want to move there!" He approached what turned out to be Americans from the east coast who chatted with him for a while. Before parting, they gave him their phone numbers in case he ever made it to New York and needed some help. A year later, Andy moved to the United States.

Now I wear headphones.