My Favorite Things



Turns out, this song works for earthquakes too. Just in case you're, like, alone when it happens.

I was a couple of miles from the epicenter, and heard a *boom* like a cannon in the distance on my way to fetch ice for a particularly smooth single malt. A half minute later, I heard a car in the distance thumping bass. The car came closer and closer. When the ice began clinking in my class, I realized it wasn't bass, Julie Andrews wasn't around, and I had never met Jenna Bush. I sprinted to the living room, and hugged my LG LCD big screen TV, and prayed that it would stay secure. Everything in the place that wasn't secured moved slightly. The ceiling fan swung too and fro. And just like that it was over.

No deaths or major structural damage was reported, but some of us last night received an important gift. Some of us understand with a little more clarity what is truly important. What, when faced with imminent rattling, we value most. Needless to say, today I'm going to better secure my big screen to the wall. Thank you, 4.7 Lennox Earthquake 2009. Thank you for teaching me how to live.

I'd smurf that smurf up the smurf


The Persian developer I work with has taken to using the already versitile word, "shit," into a noun, adjective, adverb, exclamation, and other parts of speech that I probably could have identified at one point.

I'm a little worried that my vulgarity has rubbed off on him, and he does not realize that using a word like "shit" is generally OK in an office environment when used in moderation, or in the company of other vulgar people, but blurting out "shit" every other word like a smurf with Tourrettes is not generally acceptable. It's only a matter of time before someone with sensitive ears gets offended, which is bullshit if you ask me.

Happy Sweet Sixteen!


[Cousin],

[The Wife] left this card on my desk addressed to you, so I imagine that you are turning 16 some time in the near future. (We Polish-Americans have amazing deductive reasoning, no matter what anyone else says) I'm not sure about your driving situation, but I have a piece of advice from someone who has only had one (multi-car) accidents in 15 years of driving. This advice might contradict what others tell you, but you'll just have to trust that I know what I'm talking about:

- Drive fast
- Take chances
- Speed up on the curves

This is the way to drive. This is the way to live life. Happy birthday and do not show this card to your Mom.

Love,

Mezz0