The Noble Prince



I received a unique opportunity to review a novella, The Noble Prince, recently published by my cousin. It is her first major work, but it has received high acclaim, and is being featured on local news in the St. Louis area. She has an interview scheduled for taping on Tuesday.

Personally, I thought there were some significant flaws in the narrative arc, and the characters were extremely formulaic. It's almost as though she took the most common elements of stories she read, and pasted them into a hastily conceived plot lacking any character development. Who is the prince other than the archetypical "Prince"? Sadly, this question was never asked by the author, and if you think I am being harsh, I cringe at the thought of what the poison pens at the New York Times will write about this daring, but flawed first effort.

The medieval battle scenes were the highlight of this novella, and the author's skills as an illustrator shone through the disappointing text. The reoccurring use of purple created a dreamy effect, and the symbolism of the purple dragon matching the dark purple castle was neither too subtle, nor to heavy handed. The "evil dragon" is not always a purple dinosaur, rather, it can sometimes be your own home, in this case, the castle. The purple hue reinforced the Princess' desire to leave her home, and her dark childhood behind her.

***Warning, major plot elements will be revealed in the following paragraph*** I think the author took an unnecessary risk leaving out the climatic scene in which the Noble Prince may, or may not have killed the Ogre-Prince. Clearly, her intention was to embrace an ambiguous ending in which the reader is left to imagine the strategy her noble Prince employed to win the Princess' hand in everlasting happiness, however, this comes across as gimmicky, and I believe most readers will feel cheated that they are not privy to the details. Did the Noble Prince slay the Ogre Prince? Did he set out an a long and arduous journey to find the Princess? Unfortunately, we'll never know.

I hope the author keeps writing, and we as readers can only hope she does not get roped into writing epic fairy tale screenplays which is all the rage in Hollywood. What we readers need is what the author ultimately provides us with - a fresh perspective and stunning visual journey in an epic setting. Assuming the author can clear the hurdle that is her tendency towards the hackneyed, I believe she will have an important place at the table that is modern American literature.

Insane


Do my shit undercover
Now it's time for the blubba
Blabba
To watch that belly get fatter
Fat boy on a diet
Don't try it
I'll jack your ass like a looter in a riot
My shit's fat like a sumo slammin' that ass
Leavin' your face in the grass
You know
I don't take a dulo
Lightly
Punks just jealous `cause they can't outwrite me
So kick that style: wicked, wild
Happy face nigga never seen me smile
Rip that mainframe
I'll explain
A nigga like me is goin' insane

Insane in the membrane
Insane in the brain!
Insane in the membrane
Insane in the brain!

Insane in the membrane
Going insane
Got no brain!
Insane in the membrane
Insane in the brain!

I tread lightly on racial politics. I grew up (mainly) in the suburbs, and do not have the background or sensitivity to discuss these issues in a public forum. That being said, HAVE WE ALL LOST OUR FUCKING MINDS?

In the past couple of weeks, William Jefferson Clinton has claimed that a black presidential candidate has "played the race card on [him]" as though having an office in Harlem makes him a brother.

Then, the esteemed Reverend Sharpton accused the same black presidential candidate of "grandstanding in front of white people."



A certain phrase comes to mind that I will choose not to use based on my admitted lack of sensitivity to these matters.



All of this comes on the heels of the media reporting that our black presidential candidate was having difficult in Pennslyvania because he's "an elitist." I suppose this is progress, I mean, at least people aren't suggesting that an Obama cabinet will be made up of Snoop as the drug czar and Jay Z as the secretary of defense.

Then finally, to kick him when he's down, we have Michael "my family came to this country as immigrants" Dukakis who is claiming:



Maybe he should hire you, Mike?

Brag -- Online Poker -- Free Tournament ---> $1,000

The withdrawal has been placed and the check's in the mail. No need to play stupid high-stakes poker when the bankroll's better than ever. I may have missed out on a $12,500 first place prize, but I did earn cash money and 500 frequent player points to try it again.

I think the need to purchase an expensive consumer product (read: new used car) has forced me to actually apply Poker Knowledge and Focus without getting too crafty, which is my downfall. I'd put money on me improving poker the longer I don't own a vehicle.

(read: Mezzo's Mazda is gonna rack up some (more) miles)

On that note, Mezzo, I noticed that you don't have a current insurance card in your glove box and your plates need to be renewed by the end of next month. Can you steer me in the direction of legality? I bought the deluxe car wash today for your ride and topped off the tank. $21.96 invested. It looks sexy. What else do I need to do here? Drive around with my insurance card? Renew your plates (where's the paperwork to do it online, man)?

Man, that Mazda takes corners like nobody's business. I remember once in Minnesota I was driving it to pick Mezzo up from the airport or something and I almost lost it on an on-ramp...I was so excited that I could accelerate midway through the ramp loop without feeling like my ride was about to tip over on its side...I was...I was so excited that I hit that accelerator until the tires started sliding and I lost control and realized that it wasn't exactly a performance vehicle...but still, better than either of my minivans. Plus I managed to keep the thing on the road.

Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this?

caution--> WIND

PS - Master P to join me in sunny Costa Rica, offer is now open to no more than 2 guests who would have to pay $30/each per night...which would be waived if I make The Money.

Columbian Blow = in play

EDIT: Master P, there are some excellent dive spots around Costa Rica, so your sister should consider herself invited. ; )

EDIT x2: also, your adorable mother. :0

EDIT x3: OK, I don't really know how great the dive spots are, I haven't looked into it yet. But still...I know that they exist somewhere. =P

Tournament History for your last 1 tournament requested by GreenIsland
(xxxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com)

PokerStars Tournament #85765632, No Limit Hold'em
Super Satellite
Buy-In: $2000.00/$100.00
9 players
Total Prize Pool: $18000.00
Target Tournament #79797979 Buy-In: $10000.00
1 tickets to the target tournament

Tournament started - 2008/04/23 - 02:06:57 (ET)
Tournament finished - 2008/04/23 - 03:28:38 (ET)
1: DDBeast (Austin), $2500.00 (qualified for the target tournament)
2: joe9859 (Chicago), $1500.00
3: Bostero10 (Corrientes), $1500.00
4: waggggie (san francisco), $1000.00
5: GreenIsland (Deer Park), $1000.00
6: counterfit17 (New Haven), $500.00
7: Poker366 (Pasadena, MD),
8: yellowsub86 (Dunwoody),
9: BrokeGamblor (Toronto),

You finished in 5th place.


If you have any questions, please contact us at support@pokerstars.com

I Don't Know What You've Heard About Me

I don't know what you heard about me
But a bitch can't get a dollar out of me
No Cadillac, no perms, you can't see
That I'm a motherfucking P-I-M-P

- 50 Cents "P.I.M.P."

From NBC/NJ’s Matthew Berger
PHILADELPHIA -- Chelsea Clinton stopped traffic Friday night as she wandered the streets of Philadelphia on a gay bar crawl, winning rave reviews for both her politics and her appearance.

Led around the neighborhood by Gov. Ed Rendell, Chelsea was mobbed by local gays and lesbians, as she walked from one club to the next. They ran up to hug her, posed for pictures and certainly invaded her personal space.

“I grabbed her ass,” one young woman exclaimed to her friends after snapping a picture with her arm around the former first daughter.

I Can Haz Costa Rican Pokerz!!!
(It's about fucking time!)
(click images for bigger versions, it goes from earliest to latest as the tournament progressed)

Dear GreenIsland,

Congratulations - you're going to the second event ever of the Latin
American Poker Tour!

This prestigious LAPT event will take place at the luxurious Doubletree
and Ramada Hotels in San Jose, Costa Rica.

Please read the following important notes carefully:

 * YOU MUST HAVE A VALID, CURRENT PASSPORT TO ENTER COSTA RICA.  You
might also need a VISA, please make sure you check this with your local
Costa Rican embassy.

 * If the name on your PokerStars account does not match the name on
your passport, you will not be able to register.  Please email us at
security@pokerstars.com immediately and get this straightened out.

 * You are responsible for your own airline reservations. We have
deposited $1,560 in your PokerStars account to help with that.  Please
start making your reservations.

 * As with all PokerStars events, players who enter this tournament
are required to sign a waiver form before play commences.  Players who
do not sign the form will not be allowed to take part in the tournament.


Your winner's package includes:

* $2,700 USD buy-in to the LAPT San Jose, Costa Rica

* Four nights accommodation at the Doubletree or Ramada Hotel,
checking in on May 21st and checking out on May 25th. Qualifiers may invite a
guest to share their room at no extra cost

* $1,560 credited to your PokerStars account for travel costs

* PokerStars Player bag.

The Doubletree and the Ramada Hotels are located near the international
airport and within a close distance to downtown San Jose affording
everyone of great clubs, restaurants, shopping and other Costa Rican
amenities.

DOUBLETREE CARIARI by HILTON San Jose Costa Rica
San Antonio de Belin, Cariari, Costa Rica
Tel:  (country code) 506 2-239-0022
Fax : (country code) 506 2-239-2803

RAMADA HERRADURA
Tel:  +506.209.9800
Fax: +506.239.0210

PokerStars will make a reservation in your name.  If you wish to extend
your stay, or arrive early, please contact the related properties
directly for availability and rates.

The precise schedule of the tournament is still to be finalised.  You
will receive complete information, including tournament start times,
nearer the event.  All qualifiers and their guests will be invited to the
PokerStars welcome party on May 21st.  Again, details will be confirmed
nearer the event.

The venue has a minimum age of 18 and requires guests to supply photo
ID such as passport or driver’s license.  For more local information,
please visit the LAPT website:

http://www.pokerstars.com/lapt/

And the LAPT FAQs:

http://www.pokerstars.com/lapt/faq


Pura Vida!
LAPT Team

A Colorful Haiku Two, Socks Edition
"We have been working very hard to make it very clear that we have millions of Democrats who are church-going and gun-owning and we are tired of having Republicans or, frankly, our own Democrats give any 'ammunition' to Republicans," Mrs. Clinton said.

Then she giggled and added, "Did you see what I did there?"

Red wine or Blue Moon.
Don't forget the orange wedge.
Schlitz and a Whiskey

The bulbous backside
lies in dying green grass
hunting for heartland












I can haz yur votez?
I am in yur home city
keeping yur shit brown

You're Not Superman, You Know


You do to much your not superman you know
Your not superman you know
Your not superman you know

Move left, move right do yo dance on the floor
We don't superman no more we just spiderman dat ho
Now watch me (YOU!)
Crank dat spiderman (YOU!)
Crank dat spiderman (YOU!)
Crank dat spiderman (YOU!)
Crank dat spiderman

- Soulja Boy "Crank Dat Spiderman"

It was in the upper 80's and abundantly sunny today in Los Angeles leaving me with a dilemma. Do I lay out poolside, read a book, and drink a greyhound? Do I head west to Venice beach, lay out, and drink a greyhound? Do I take the Dirty Whore for a ride, and then return home for a greyhound? Do I hit some balls at the driving range? Do I substitute grapefruit juice with OJ?

Dirty Whore

I opted to ride the Dirty Whore to Border's books in Westwood, the dense commercial area outside of UCLA. I was parking illegally (one of the chief benefits of owning a motorcycle is being able to park wherever the hell you want to), taking off my helmet when a kid in his late twenties passed by me.

"Nice bike," he said, nodding towards the Dirty Whore.

"And nice shirt!" he added, noting my Metropolis, IL superman t-shirt.

"You've got fucking style dude!"

Style. Heh. I've got style like my Duluth, Minnesota neighbor, Nick Angel, had style in the late 80's, anticipating the camouflage look by more than a decade. All the neighborhood kids mocked his military garb, calling him things like "Commando-Man." Now whose laughing?

While I am waxing nostalgic and losing control of this post, I'd like to remind the Youngest that when he was a boy, he had Superman pajamas with a Velcro cape. He used to run down the hallway, and when he felt the cape lift off of his back, he believed he was flying. Being his older brother, I felt it was my responsibility to let him know the truth.

"You're no Superman, you know." I told him. "Just because the cape is lifting gently off of your back due to some physics principal I cannot articulate properly does not mean that you can fly."

He doubted my explanation. He was not too young to be skeptical about things I told him, but a part of him knew I was right. There is no such thing as men who can fly. No Santa Clause or Easter Bunny. Just 70 odd years of people stomping on your dreams. Shine on, you crazy diamond!

Update: I just looked up "Superman" and Spiderman" over at http://www.urbandictionary.com/ and now I am throwing up a little in my mouth.

Request.

















Sorry, inside joke.

Why?

Hillary Followup (WTF?)

You know that something has gone terribly wrong when a mock press conference that I crafted a few days ago turns into some sort of bizarre reality the following day. At first, I thought this article was some sort of an April Fool's Day joke. Who are these people?

Inside a gaping and chilly hangar that housed a tanker, wind turbines and a yellow tractor, a mostly white, working-class audience of about 1,000 cheered as Mrs. Clinton took the stage to the ultimate comeback soundtrack, Survivor’s "Eye of the Tiger," from Rocky III.

"Let me tell you something, when it comes to finishing the fight, Rocky and I have a lot in common. I never quit. I never give up.”

On the morning of April 1, Mrs. Clinton, dressed almost psychedelically in a purple jacket and spotted scarf, toured a sheet-metal factory in Philadelphia.

"She’s got this one locked," said Mary Yates, a 67-year-old retired worker in a chemical factory. "No Muslim is going to be president. No drug addict."

Yeah, God forbid we let a drug fiend slip into the White House (JFK picture purposely omitted)...















And then there was this...

"The race thing," interjected her colleague Daniel Kirner, 52, from Tullytown.
"I mean, a president named Barack?" agreed Ms. Vizzini.

Time for a little history lesson, Ms. Vizzini. Let me direct you to the Sacco & Vanzetti exhibit down the hall. Luigi will guide you. Don't forget to grab some pizza and pasta over there first. I know how you people like-a da pasta. There's also some leftover grease...for your hair...bitch.