Conversations with the Prince of Persia: On Being American

Online chat with my co-worker from Iran:

Amir [11:58 AM]:
american

Mezz0 [11:58 AM]:
Yes Sir, and proud to be one.

Amir [11:58 AM]:
buddy, you gonna home grab your lunch there?

Mezz0 [11:58 AM]:
We live in the best country in the world.

Amir [11:58 AM]:
I like the answer I will be citizen soon. God bless America

Mezz0 [11:59 AM]:
I am sorry that you will not be a citizen sooner, because you cannot imagine the pride in my heart at living in this wonderful country.

Amir [11:59 AM]:
uou are right about that, but hey, seems you never visited my country

Mezz0 [11:59 AM]:
All that's in your country is sand and camels. And people that beat each other with sticks

Amir [12:00 PM]:
seems you want to get bitten by stickes right

Mezz0 [12:00 PM]:
You need to work on your English prior to becoming an American. That didn't make any sense

Mezz0 [12:00 PM]:
Did you mean "beaten" by "sticks"? They'll never give you citizenship at this rate.

Amir [12:01 PM]:
yes, that is what I meant, I am shorteing the words master

Mezz0 [12:01 PM]:
I understand. Thankfully, in this country, we have a sophisticated justice system that prevents the wonton beating of innocent civilians (for the most part)

Mezz0 [12:02 PM]:
Although, by God, we are tough on terrorists...You can forget about justice if you're a terrorist. (Or if they think you're a terrorist)

Amir [12:02 PM]:
ok, fair enough, that is why I law this country, but does not hurt much if you visit the camel country

Mezz0 [12:03 PM]:
I don't care for totalitarian regimes that endeavor to wipe our allies off the map. When you folks turn your back on your theocratic ways and embrace capitalism and free trade, then we'll talk.

Amir [12:04 PM]:
allright, allright, I roger that

Mezz0 [12:05 PM]:
You guys have potential, though, don't get me wrong.

Mezz0 [12:06 PM]:
I mean, people that created lubia polo can't be all bad.

Amir [12:06 PM]:
lol

Amir [12:07 PM]:
I like your type of judgement man and you are damn right

Mezz0 [12:07 PM]:
Don't much care for your music - sounds like a bunch of high-pitched screetching and wailing, but good looking women, too, did I mention that?

Amir [12:08 PM]:
no, you just mention that - you should mention it first as a true American

Mezz0 [12:08 PM]:
Wow - +1 for you - You are more American than I thought. In some ways, perhaps, even more American than I am.

Amir [12:08 PM]:
I am a true amecian, ...

Mezz0 [12:09 PM]:
In spirit, of course, you don't have papers or anything. Let's not get carried away.

Amir [12:09 PM]:
yeah, that is why is am hear man, you should mention in earlier

Mezz0 [12:09 PM]:
Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it. We can both help each other become more American.

Mezz0 [12:10 PM]:
Hint #1: Stop pronouncing your Ws like Vs

Amir [12:10 PM]:
yes, I buy that idea

Mezz0 [12:10 PM]:
Good! Repeat after me, “What’s your vector, Victor?”

Amir [12:10 PM]:
roger, good catch

Mezz0 [12:10 PM]:
Hint #2: Eat more french fries, like, every day (you'll get used to it)

Amir [12:11 PM]:
I have the potential to love ffries,

Mezz0 [12:11 PM]:
Excellent!

Amir [12:11 PM]:
I can do it, believe me

Mezz0 [12:11 PM]:
Hint #3: Don't get in someone's face when you are talking to them - American's like staying at arm's length

Amir [12:12 PM]:
good point, I remember that, with some exception, you know what I am talking about, if she is hot, I can resist, you agree that right

Mezz0 [12:13 PM]:
Good clarification - If you are macking on some fly girl at the club, and she's grinding up in your shit, that's totally cool…(and very American)

Amir [12:14 PM]:
right, hey, in the context of lubia polo, boss and I ordering now, do you want to order or you are going home

Mezz0 [12:14 PM]:
Yeah - I want some lubia polo,and a side of forshi - nothing more American than that