You Are All Suckers: A Taunt

Ha! You suckers!!! ALL of the rest of you work in offices, with the exception of M's coolant-spewing motorcycle with the ridiculous nickname... I mean, who nicknames their motorcycle..? I guess it would have to be someone who works in an office, whose standards of entertainment have been systematically lowered over the years by dumb inter-office humor -- maybe even someone with an equally ridiculous nickname! HA! HAHAHA!!!! Thank you for brightening my day by reminding me that I am lucky enough to no longer work in an office. What a great life I have. The next time I'm feeling blue, I'm just going to have to remind myself that at least I don't work in an office -- I can't even remember the last time I was IN an office. Ha! Working for the man... but I mean, if you like that sort of thing, you know, by all means -- have fun with it!

{walking away chuckling, shaking head}

Inner Monologue While Changing Dirty Whore's Coolant


Yep. Got this whole area over the garage covered with Trader Joe's bags. Some people use newspaper, but these Trader Joe's bags are thick. Good thinking on my part. You are one smart son of a bitch. (Handsome, too) Let's see...So I got instructions on changing coolant both from the Internet with pictures, and the Clymer's manual. I have all the tools laid out. I am prepared. Let's drink a beer! No, not yet, let's get this coolant changed, then we'll think about relaxing in front of the big screen. OK. We gotta get this thing on the center stand. Heyyyyyyyyyy-up and it's done. That's not easy to do, but you've got the technique down like a champ. Remember that old coworker who couldn't get his bike on his center stand? HAHAHA. Beer time? No - we just went over this. OK. Remove first drain plug from the radiator. Let's get out the wrench, and set up the drain pain. Just....Loosen....Up.....Ahhh, there it is. I'll unscrew the rest with my hand. And...Huh? The plug is in my hand, but no coolant is draining. Could I be that low on coolant? OK, let's double check the manual. Looks right to me. Go figure. I'll just unscrew the second plug. Ahh crap, this is at an awkard angle. Damnit, hate laying on the floor - I hope this isn't where that homless guy was pissing a few months ago. Stunk like urine even after weeks. The'guy must not have a very good diet. And......There! What? No drainage again? Shit. What the fuck? I must be doing something wrong, but what? Think on it over a beer? No, damnit, we got work to do. Alright Alright Alright. This matches the pictures. The manual confirms. I know these things run cool, but I hope I wasn't compoletely out of coolant. Alright. I'll just remove the plug from the crank case. Just unscrew it here. Huh, looks like a little fluid seepage. And....OH MY GOD IT IS EJACULATING EVERYWHERE! HOLY SHIT! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! OH NO! I'M COVERED IN THIS SHIT! THE FLOOR IS COVERED! COOLANT IS EVERYWHERE! MY TRADER JOE'S BAGS ARE SOAKED THROUGH. I SHOULD HAVE PAID SOMEONE TO DO THIS! WHAT DID I DO WRONG? WHY ME? WHY NOW? WHY?

WeI Never Made Any Sense



I had a feeling that last post, lacking context, would fall flatter than that joke I made about the Challenger shuttle back in ’86.

Q: What does NASA stand for?
A: Need Another Seven Astronauts

I was edgy back then. Like the Richard Prior of second grade. But much like Carlos Mencia, I didn’t write my own material.

My thoughts, when seeing that lonely comment made on the Led Zeppelin D’yer Mak'er video, was that some poor son of a bitch was bumping tunes from YouTube while getting wasted on Wild Turkey and pining for the past. He sends a comment into cyberspace. He weeps as the most lyrically incomprehensible of Led Zeppelin songs drones on, a mixture of snot and drool pours forth from the corner of his mouth into the keyboard. The deep, soul-crushing pain of his comment touched me, and if you are so jaded, so hardened, that a random YouTube comment fails to move you then...Then...Well shit, then I have some windows keyboard shortcuts for you:

CTRL+Enter after keying in a word into the address bar of your internet browser will add an http:// before and a .com after it.

Windows button + M = Close all open windows

(Seriously, these are great short cuts that all power users should add to their toolbox)

It's not like Primavera or Youngworst is picking up the slack, either. Do I sound defensive? Well maybe I am. It's locking season, and even though it's fucking beautiful outside, our mamalian brains kick in and tell us to prepare for the coming "winter." So I'm not going to even try to turn a great story (Someone at the jiu jitsu academy just returned from a bout with swine flu [No joke!] and asked to borrow the water bottle of Monstro) into something entertaining. You can all go fuck yourselves!