NFL Week 11
Survivor/Eliminator Pools
$1,000 Pool - 6 of 67 remain
$80,000 Pool - 311 of 7,451 remain
Used teams - TEN, GB, BAL, NO, IND, PIT, KC, TB, ATL (1/2), NYG(1/2)

Hanging my hat on the Jets













A couple weeks ago I was driving into the city when NPR started playing an interview with some vulgar motherfucker named Stephen Sondheim. Apparently, he wrote lyrics to a few songs back in the day and lobbied hard to get phrases like 'When the shit hits the fan' and 'Gee, Officer Krupke, Fuck You' included in a couple West Side Story songs that he wrote in the 50's.

This is why I listen to NPR. I can now make a moral argument against musical theater.

Unfortunately for Steve, the laws at that time made it illegal to transport a recording with obscenities across state lines. The poor bastard lost his argument with the prude who was running the show. Instead, he forever tainted his legacy by writing hilariously unobjectionable lines like 'When the spit hits the fan' and 'Gee, Officer Krupke, Krup you!' He later became a raging wino.

I almost pitied the poor bastard until I found out that he wrote the New York Jets fight song! Now these guys know how to play like a jet.

Walk Tall Jets!


It looks like my choices are getting pretty limited here, so I'm going to take all that NPR Jet talk as a sign from God. The New York Jets (7-2) have a solid defense that should be pumped to be back at home with two winnable games in front of them. The last two weeks on the road they narrowly escaped with back-to-back overtime wins. Plus, they actually sound like a team.

QB Mark Sanchez will have the luxury of passing against a Houston Texan (4-5) defense that is ranked last against the pass and is only ranked higher than one team in avg total yards allowed per game, the Washington Redskins.

Washington is only worse due to the damage incurred from last night, when the Skins were savagely ripped apart by the Eagles' Michael Vick--who personally threw and rushed for 442 yards and 6 touchdowns. The whole team damn-near accounted for 600 total yards of offense while scoring 59 points. It's tragic that the antiquated dog fighting laws and racism of the south kept Mr. Vick imprisoned for two years. Imagine the highlight reels that could have been (like the first play from scrimmage from last nights' game).

Back to the Jets. The sarape-clad Sanchez fans should be out in force to cheer their Jets on to a dominant victory at home this Sunday. I think I'm going to have to place both remaining picks on the Gang Green this week. How could my favorite color lose? Go Jets! Viva Nueva York!

NFL Week 10














Shit is startin' to heat up! Luckily I didn't pick the New York Giants (who were 14 point favorites at home over the Cowboys) even though I could have used them in one pool. They were shocked by the underdogs 20-33. I fucking hate the Cowboys, but this was a pretty sweet win for them...especially since it wasn't done with pop star quarterback Tony Romo, but the permanently irritated skinhead Jon Kitna.


















I went with the Tampa Bay Bucs for both of my picks this week. Briefly, I had it split between TB and NYG, but I just could not visualize the Bucs losing that game, so I put both picks on them. They ended up destroying the Carolina Panthers 31-16 and a bunch of people who picked the Giants were knocked out. Boo-yah!

6 of 67 people remain in the $1,000 pool
311 of 7451 people remain in the $80,000 pool

Next week looks like it might be tough, but for now...I am one step closer.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneer Cheerleader Monologues

I'm Outta Here!
Dec 1-3rd

Moments ago I submitted my letter of resignation. Freeeeeeedom! My last day working in the Chicagoland suburbs will be 11/30.

I've been in this town for so long that back in the city I've been taken for lost and gone and unknown for a long long time.


Four years is about two more years than I planned...

It's off to a state that's untouchable like Eliot Ness.

NFL Week 9

I will survive.

$1,000 pool - 8 of 67 people remain

$80,000 pool - 490 of 7451 people remain

Last week I made a cold, calculated gambler's decision and picked the filthy NE Patriots (I fucking hate them) to beat my beloved (sort of) MN Vikings. It was a decision that paid off as I went 2/2 for my survivor picks. For my first pick this week I'm going with my second most-hated team in the NFL, The New York Giants, to defeat the depleted Seattle Seahawks. Despite the fact that the New York coach's job duties seem to center around trying to master the look of shocked and confused indignation, they are facing a Seattle Seahawk team that is so marred by injuries that they were walloped by the Raiders 33-3 last week. To make matters worse, their starting QB was concussed after their porous O-line allowed 8 sacks...EIGHT. OAKLAND. That woozy fellow will be replaced by backup QB Sacrificial Lamb (he looks like Jesus!) who has never started a regular season game in the NFL.

The decision to sit the 35 year old QB Hasselbeck might just be an effort to keep him healthy enough to play for the rest of the season, rather than an effort to win. The Giant's defense has knocked out 5 of 7 quarterbacks that they've faced this year. Two concussions, a stinger, a broken arm, and the latest, a broken clavicle, have sent them off to the safety of their locker rooms and reduced opposing offenses to rubble.

"Ready for yo' teabag, Mr Romo?"

By pulling his starting QB, Seahawks coach Pete Carrol already appears to be conceding a loss. The Giant's are probably salivating all over their play books after hearing the news today, and encouraging that overconfidence might be the only angle Carrol can shoot. Unfortunately for him, this game has all the makings for an absolute slaughter...an ugly, painful slaughter that will more closely resemble an early Mike Tyson fight than a football game.

The only thing that could go wrong here is if it rains the entire game, inbreeding experiment Eli Manning throws an interception with every possession, and Whitehurst actually turns out to be the second coming of Jesus Christ (allowing Him to elevate Himself safely above the field to throw magical Hail Mary's that are never intercepted).

My second pick is The Atlanta Falcons over The Tampa Bay Buccaneers. That story isn't nearly as interesting, so you're just gonna have to trust me. They totally outclass the Bucs.














The bad news? Both teams I'm picking are coming off of bye weeks and may show a little rust.