Monday, March 22, 2010

From The Youngest:
Sunday, March 21st - America Jumps Shark












On Sunday, The (mostly) Universal Healthcare Reform Bill passed in the U.S. House of Representatives. Opponents describe it as, "A direct socialist attack against capitalism and American prosperity." and, "A baby-killer."

On Monday, the stock market reacted positively to a new age of socialism and abortion.

Sunday at the U.S. Capitol Building, men within a crowd of Teabagger Protesters (Is that redundant? Teatoasters?) shout out the words "nigger" and "faggot" at two elected officials as they pass by. In fairness, the one guy was a black and the other guy was a gay. Also, the transgressors associate with a movement that hearkens back to the American Revolution, so I'm not sure if modern standards of decorum should apply. In fact, if one of them was wearing a three-cornered-hat, I'm fairly certain that it would be well within his rights to claim temporary ownership of the black until his papers were sorted out.

Recently disgraced and ousted Illinois Governor Rob "It's Fuckin' Golden" Blagojevich is seen giving "urban hug" to 90's comedic sensation Sinbad while 80's rocker Bret Michaels from Poison approaches to offer his condolences at the end of Sunday's Celebrity Apprentice. Further down the hall (offscreen), the four horsemen of the apocalypse were seen riding in with the quickness.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump (net worth $1.6 billion) sits in the adjacent room with his children, probably discussing why they decided to fire Sinbad. They should have been wondering what the fuck they were doing sitting on the set of a reality show in the first place.















Remember this date.

Whenever we have to choose our "restore point" as a civilization, we're going to want to make sure it's way the fuck back before Sunday. Because now, apparently, we are perfectly satisfied to devolve into a civilization in which all matters--politics, religion, status, prestige--are presented and gauged in terms of entertainment value. All issues are black and white, right and wrong. All people, deemed either decent or despicable.

In a our new global, connected world, there are a lot of characters and a lot of stories. It makes it much easier to follow plot lines and character motivation when everything is presented as an extreme. The most important metric held above all else, though, is a person's entertainment value. They can be good or bad, right or wrong, but the most important thing is that they entertain us.

A disgraced governor, formerly a lifetime politician, thinks nothing of going on a reality TV show to compete against a group of (mostly) retired celebrities. Isn't that fucked up? Can you imagine Colin Powel on the Real World/Road Rules Challenge? How about former NYC Mayor Giuliani on Survivor?

Aren't our country's officials expected to operate on a higher plane of existence? Aren't they supposed to be better than us? More rational? More just? More level-headed? Doesn't the heavy burden of public responsibility give these people some humility?

Former Minnesota Governor (and fake wrestler) Jesse "The Body" Ventura is now hosting a TV show that gives validity to and encourages the propagation of ludicrous conspiracy theories.

We should also remember Bob Dole's role in all of this.

At least Blagojevich has been making the most of his Celebrity Apprentice appearance. In the second episode, he takes a moment to strike a pose in a NYC shop window while he shouts expletives into his cell phone while talking to an alleged co-conspirator awaiting trial back in Chicago.

Yes, he posed based on the location of the camera. Yes, he smiled, winked, and waved at passing pedestrians in the midst of his apparently heated conversation. Sure, when he talks and walks, he looks and sounds like a politician...but he knows how this game works. He'll never work in politics again, he knows that, but he could work in entertainment...

"I would do anything to win," Blagojevich exclaims during the episode, before smiling coyly and adding, "Anything ethically, morally, or otherwise legal, of course."

So he's auditioning. He's trying out for the role of "disgraced politician/corporate leader" in the public eye. We don't care what he's really like as a person in reality-reality, we just need him to maintain his role in entertainment-reality as a greedy asshole. He isn't even trying to justify himself as a decent person. He's dancing in the same spotlight used to illuminate his political corruption and he's using it for his own benefit and our entertainment.

Imagine John Wilkes Boothe leaping down onto the Ford Theater stage after assassinating Lincoln. The theater spotlight finds the criminal and illuminates him, gun in hand. He does not run or hide. Instead, Boothe dismisses his accusers, places the gun in his pocket, and attempts to win over the crowd with a string of one-liners.

...and the crowd goes wild.



















One of the 450 wealthiest people in the world is Donald Trump. But he isn't concerned with brokering real estate deals, investing his substantial wealth, or doing anything he's naturally talented at. Instead, he seeks value and worth as a person by starring on a reality TV show. He sits in a little chair for an hour and has people apply makeup to his face at least once a week. He is publicly mocked for his poor delivery of scripted lines, his hair, his rigidity...but he has done the show for nine seasons.


















He sees personal value in reducing his existence to nothing more than a bad haircut and a catch phrase. Perhaps he justifies his role as one that is worthwhile due to the charitable donations that they make. Maybe he subscribes to the "any press is good press" creed.

In truth, excessive personal wealth has become so common in our country that it's no longer valued or admired as being anything special, in and of itself. A rich man isn't worth a damn to us if we don't see him...and if we do see him, he better entertain us--even if it's at his own expense. Apparently, $1.6 billion is not enough money to fill his maniacal need for cultural relevance and status.

The really sick part of all of this is how easily we come to accept bizarre situations like this. Nothing seems weird or out of place if you just take these things in stride, one at a time. If you were to go back in time and give the rundown of current events to someone just 12 years ago, though, they would think that you're fucking insane.

I'm pretty sure that we are.