"This kid can fuckin' earn!"

- Tony Soprano (via The Sopranos pinball game)















I cut a check for $2,000 for the Old Man today. As I handed it to him, I could tell that he was surprised to be getting anything. When he looked at the amount on the check his expression switched to one of pride. A look that had Sopranos pinball written all over it.

"Heeey, this kid can fuckin' earn."

Wise brokers tell us that to do well in the stock market, it takes perfect timing. Seasoned poker pros often say the same thing about poker. I echo that sentiment, as a cog in the corporate machinery.

A month after being hired by my present employer, an impromptu meeting was called late on a Thursday afternoon for an early morning Friday meeting. This is never a good sign in any business.

In my case, it meant that 70% of my co-workers would be gone in 5 months. I considered it bad timing...very bad timing.













The last time I heard such news was at my first corporate job, when MSOP (marketing standard operating platform) was unveiled. In effect, it required everyone in the marketing department to spell out, clear and bold, what it was that they did to deserve the compensation that they received.

It was presented as an opportunity to promote those who deserved it. Our in house production department made a movie called, "What does MSOP mean to me?" featuring actors pretending to be my co-workers.

We were required to have group meetings with "transition specialists" who told us about the Valley Of Death(as it was explained to us, the dip in moral when presented with change, and the eventual plateau coming out of that dip). We held an hour long meeting...biweekly...for two months with these people. Meetings would start with a simple drawing on the white board.

"OK, so where would you place yourself in The Valley of Death this week. Who wants to start?"









We took a full day to listen to VP's explain how great it will be to have a standard in marketing...all departments operating on the same platform...it would be such a beautiful thing, they said. People could transition from job to job seamlessly, they said.















Being corporate America, they didn't just explain it, though, they used an African Expedition as the backdrop. VP's were wearing tan shirts and shorts....boots and expedition caps as they painted a rosy picture of how great our jobs could be. Jungle noises played in between the speeches. A giant green snake hung above the podium. Leaves were draped from the ceiling. They served food.

Many people took a water and a soda.

It was, to say the least, bat shit crazy.

Mostly, though, it was meant to scare the shit out of people and encourage them to either quit or fight for their jobs. It worked! People started quitting left and right. Some were fired quickly, quietly, and with little fanfare. I was making $27,000 a year and couldn't care less what they did with me.

I had been taking on new responsibilities before MSOP came around, more out of boredom than from any expectation.

Without any warning, one day my manager burst into my cubicle...I was baked, listening to Phish.

"OK, how would you like to be an Analyst?"

"Ummm, yeah, sounds great!"

"Well, the director was hesitant to make you this offer, but I'm confident that you'll do a great job. This is a lot of responsibility. Are you sure you're ready for this."

"Yeah, sure, absolutely!"

"OK, this is your new position, this is how much you'll be making. This position puts you in a new pay grade. I think you should be happy. Just sign this and return it to me by the end of the day."

"No problem!"

I looked at the sheet and was, well, stunned. I went from earning $27,000 to $37,000 in a day. Suddenly all this bat shit crazy lunacy that I had been witnessing didn't seem all that crazy after all. I was in the right place at the right time, with no reason to argue.

That was five years ago. Since then I quit corporate America, went to school, dropped out, labored under the sun with alcoholics, couriered in Minneapolis, returned to Illinois, and found myself employed, once again, with Corporate America....

So when my manager came to me this morning, asking me if I had time to meet with the director in two hours, I half expected that it was Bad News and that I would probably be laid off with the remaining 30% in the next few months.

It turned out much better.

"So the reason we asked you to this meeting today is to discuss our new roles in the newly formed Planning Team. I've been very happy with how you've been doing so far and think that you will be a great fit in the new team. Your new title will be Associate Planning Analyst. This will be an increase in your job grade level, this is your new salary effective next Monday. You will also have some stock bonuses that will be mailed to you shortly"

"Shit yes!"

"Do you have any questions?"

"Hell no!"

"OK, if you could just refrain from talking about this until next week...we'd rather keep this quiet until everyone who is...leaving...is gone this Friday."

We stand up to leave.

"We should have more of these impromptu meetings!"

Director, suddenly distant...

"Yes, this was one of the good ones..."

And so I was wrong...it was good timing after all....very good timing.

A few more games like this and I might make Consigliere.