The Wrath of Casual Philosophy

"Philosophy, is a walk on the slippery rocks. Religion,
Is a light in the fog. I'm not aware of too many things.
I know what I know if you know what I mean. Do ya?"
-Edie Brickell

A) Are people getting crazier and crazier?
B) Is God punishing us for our moral depravity?
C) Are the terrorists winning?













A) Are people getting crazier and crazier?
----Yes. I'm beginning to suspect that there are some paradigms out there that may need to be revisited. Of particular interest to me this afternoon is the idea that with every year that passes we as a nation, a people, and a world advance. We evolve. Where once we crawled the forest floor like hairy Quasimodos, picking and eating bugs off of each other, now we stand erect with short hair and remote controls. Where once we lived in caves within the earth, now we build large buildings, way the fuck up above the ground.

We evolve personally, too. I like to think that with every year that passes I become a better person. More refined. Smarter. A better poker player. My present self leans against the wall with top hat and martini glass and, with bemused pity, shakes his head at the vision of my past self….leaning against the wall wearing a top hat and holding a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon. "Ah, younger version of myself, you were one stupid asshole, weren't you…"

I find solace in taking this view of the world. As people better themselves technology advances, the world becomes more interconnected, more stable. Knowledge builds upon itself and we advance inevitably towards Something Better. It makes sense. It gives me hope for the future. It is a much more positive perspective than, say, imagining that the milky way galaxy is nothing more than diseased water swirling around in the toilette bowl of the universe and that the earth is a tiny chunk of shit helplessly plunging downward into a great abyss.

I try not to think of things that way.

Then, a few days ago, some guy got on a bus in Manitoba, Canada and sat next to a 20 year old kid who was sleeping with headphones on. Roughly an hour later, the same man produced a Rambo-style knife and began stabbing the stranger sitting next to him in the throat and body. Frightened passengers exited the bus. The unprovoked attacker proceeded to saw off his victims head and use it as a sort of prop to intimidate the passengers who watched in horror from outside the bus.

Crazy? Yes. Mentally Instable? Most likely. Cause to question the advance of civilization? No, but let's give the Baptists a chance to have their say…..

Upon hearing about the funeral arrangements for the murder victim, the Westboro Baptist Church issued a claim that God was punishing Canada for "Rebellion against the standards of God" and they planned on picketing the victim's funeral.

Decapitating a fellow traveler is crazy. Picketing the victim's funeral because God hates Canada is even more crazy. I may be wrong, but I think that this is pretty definitive proof that people are getting crazier and crazier.







B) Is God punishing us for our moral depravity?
----Yes, according to some. The last time I visited St. Louis I was scammed into attending my grandmother's baptist church. It was a terrible service which basically involved the pastor reading from the book of Daniel and then paraphrasing the selected passage line by line. I was nodding in and out of sleep at the end of the sermon when I heard the pastor say the word "Revelations". My ears perked up instantly.

"We live in historical times, friends, and with a political landscape that could be changing soon it is necessary that we keep God's will at the forefront of our leadership. We must choose leaders who will uphold His word as our word. And these floods that we have started experiencing, this is a fine reminder from God that this is what we need to do. We can not stand by while babies are murdered every day! We can not stand by while the tenets of marriage are questioned--when homosexuals can marry! And friends, when I read through revelations, I see no mention of the United States, no mention at all…and that worries me, friends. Why isn't America in revelations? Well, my fear is, friends, that by the time the the rapture comes, God will have already dealt with us!"

Are you fucking kidding me? I was slack jawed. Suddenly I understood the dots that they were connecting.

California --> Liberal God-Hating Gays --> earthquakes
New Orleans --> Criminal Negroes --> Katrina
Indian Ocean --> Non-Christians --> Tsunami
Canada --> Liberal God-Hating Gays --> punished by guy who cuts off random heads

God indiscriminately casts natural disasters on people who elect officials that enact laws that are against God and, more importantly, who grant lenience in situations that were, in recent history, socially taboo. It all makes sense now. Just imagine what will happen to you if you do something God doesn't like. I have seen the light...and from where I'm standing it kind of makes God look like a terrorist.

terrorist
a person who tries to frighten people or governments into doing what he/she wants by using or threatening violence


















C) Are the terrorists winning?
----Yes. I mean, they may not be winning the body-count (if we assume that God is not, in fact, a terrorist) but they are certainly winning on some level. If the ultimate goal of muslim radicals is to engage the west into a Christian vs Muslim war, to cripple the western economy, and to devolve modern civilization back to mud huts and bartering they're really not doing that bad of a job. When you we can no longer have an election in this country without considering the Evangelical vote, we have a problem. When people proudly exclaim, "Fuck science! Fuck plate-tectonics! Fuck advancing civilization," we have a problem.

Sometimes there's comfort in imagining that God really is up there somewhere, and he's jiggling the Great Handle in the Sky...

Fluuuuussshhh!