Did That Really Just Happen?
or
I'm Down With The Brothers
or
Down With Disease
or
Fear and Loathing on I-294
or
"Freedom is just a hallucination created by a pathological lack of paranoia."
(all Toyota Park concert images/videos were taken by me)
It's hard to believe that I'm sitting here at my desk at work after that wacky weekend. I could be in jail...or dodging deer in a state forest in Ohio while waiting for the psilocybin to wear off...or having my bumperless Civic towed again...or stressing about paying $10,000 in court costs...or being raped and murdered and having my carcass stuffed in some gay guy's trunk. Hell, it's hard to believe that all this happened in 48 hours...but it did.
12:00pm Friday
I take a half day off from work to make sure I have time to make it through the Friday Chicago traffic in time to see Phish play at Toyota Park. I grab some beer, pick up some shit for my cat, and try to get a few things together so I can leave by 10:00am the next morning for Cleveland. The second Phish show of the tour was in Ohio and I was planning on going. I pound a couple beers and hit the road at about 3:45pm.
5:00pm Friday
I arrive on Phish lot and roam around aimlessly looking at the shit people are selling...glassware, headie crystals, water (what the fuck it's just a buck!), posters, shirts...and I drink a few more delicious Fat Tires. I run into a couple of girls who I shared a room with at Red Rocks last year and set off to see if I can find Wreckdm & Rye, the other two that I shared the room with. Apparently, Wreckdm was operating some sort of parking lot beer tent and Rye was selling posters again. I couldn't find either of them.
6:30pm Friday
I stake out my place on the floor before the GA area gets too crowded. A couple sits next to me. The fairly dumpy looking white guy introduces me to his black girlfriend, and says it's her first show. Occasionally you'll see a black dude at a Phish show, but NEVER a black girl. It's like running into a polar bear in a Louisiana swamp...I briefly consider asking if I can touch her hair. She seems amused by the whole scene and fascinated that authorities don't bother to crack down on the casual drug use. "Does it always smell this good at these concerts?" "So there are never any fights or anything?" "Why are people holding their finger in the air outside?" I drink a couple 24 oz Sierra Nevadas, smoke a little, and we chat until show time. The couple is from Gary. They met on Craigslist.
7:45pm Friday
Phish takes the stage for their tour opening show and kick things off with an energetic Down With Disease. It's a kickass show for a tour opener and they are already playing noticeably better than last year, no warm up gigs needed. Awesome song selection, too. Jesus Just Left Chicago, Wolfman's, Boogie On, Divided Sky, Reba, Ghost, Maze, Antelope, Julius, Horse->Silent...it was an awesome show.
11:30pm Friday
I'm on the road, heading back home, longingly thinking about my bed and mentally planning for my trip to Cleveland the next morning. I descend the ramp to merge onto I-294 and get in line to move into the gridlocked traffic. I stick my nose in front of a large truck and slowly inch forward as the car in front of me advances. Apparently, the Mack truck behind me was sick of letting people merge, though, so he decided to crash into the rear door of my car. I tried pulling away to avoid more contact after the initial impact, but my bumper ended up getting torn off and dragged lifelessly next to my car. He called the cops to report the accident and the first officer showed up.
12:15am Saturday
After talking to the truck driver to get his story first, the officer (black) asks me my story and immediately tells me that I smell like booze. I admit to drinking two beers several hours ago. I'm pretty sure that I'm down with the blacks after talking to that girl at the show, so I try to be as honest as possible. He asks if I will step behind the truck to take a field sobriety test. I comply.
12:18am Saturday
Backup squad arrives with another black officer. I'm 95% sure that I'm still down with the blacks.
12:20am Saturday
Since we're in a construction zone, the road has been ground down a few inches below the curb/drainage area. The cop puts me on the elevated, angled curb and plans to have me walk the line. I explain that it doesn't feel like a level surface and ask for a better area. I am in flip flops. We move to the street.
12:23am Saturday
I execute 9 heel-to-toe steps (in flip flops), counting off each step. I then pivot on my left foot and take nine steps back (as instructed). It was a flawless dance, performed with the grace and poise of a modern day Gene Kelly. I briefly consider doing a quick 360 spin and showing the cop my jazz hands. Instead I just smirk at the officer and raise my eyebrows as if to say, "Is that all you've got."
12:26am Saturday
He takes out a pen and has me follow the tip back and forth using my eyes only. I know he is looking for eyeball-wobble when my eyes are at the edge. I alter my focus to try to beat it. He spends at least 2 full minutes testing me.
12:30am Saturday
I stand straight with my hands at my side, lift my right leg 10 inches off the ground, and begin counting up from one. I make eye contact with the officer as I perform and at 23,24,25 I start sing-songing the numbers to sound bored with the test. I don't shake or wobble or anything, I was a rock. An oak.
12:31am Saturday
The officer says, "I have one more test that I'd like to administer to you, will you take the breathalyzer?"
"If I passed the field sobriety test, I would prefer not to."
"I didn't say you passed."
"I would prefer not to take the breathalyzer if you are satisfied with how I performed the other tests."
"Do you have any beer in your car?"
"Yes, sir. In the back seat."
"Have a seat in my squad car."
12:35am Saturday
The officer sends the backup cop to get the beer from my car, which apparently is code for "poke around and see if you find anything incriminating." Moments later he comes back shining a flashlight proudly on a glass jar of beautiful nuggets.
"What do we have here?"
"That...is a little bit of marijuana."
"Step out of the vehicle."
12:40am Saturday
I am cuffed, now, in the front seat--hands wedged behind my back. I help the officer fill out my arrest report. I recite my memorized license plate number, the first half of my drivers license number...I help him spell the word "analyst". I say "yes sir" and "no sir" a fuckload of times. I ingratiate myself and stare helplessly at the floor of the car. At some point, he tells me that I'm just getting one ticket for improper lane use ($75). "That's a lot better than a DUI, I'm doing you a favor."
"Yes, sir. I'm not complaining, sir."
1:15am Saturday
Finally, a tow truck comes to take my vehicle. We drive away to the Bridgeview Police Department so I can be processed. My right hand is handcuffed to the wall as one officer fills out more paper work and the other tries to figure out how to get the camera working to take my picture & fingerprints. We were in there for hours. The officers were not masters of efficiency...or following procedures. Among the things that happened:
A cop accidentally locked us inside the processing room and had to call the front desk for help.
A cop took several personal phone calls while I was being booked.
A gun was left on a table within easy reach of my uncuffed hand while the cop who owned it went to the other side of the room.
Statements from the arresting officer:
"So how many beers did you have?"
"Two."
"I'm putting down 'one' on this report."
"Ohhh, that weed is stinky! That's some good stuff!"
"Yeah, I got the beer on the inventory report...organic beer!"
"Now, it looks like you have something loaded in this pipe. You didn't smoke this today, did you?"
"No sir."
3:10am Saturday
Finally, I'm released after posting $100 bond for my court date. The officers instruct me to walk to a nearby gas station and get a ride. As I exit the building one of them calls back to me, "Hey man," I turn to look behind me, "Just say no!" he says with a smile. I force a laugh as I take off and wonder what the fuck kind of bizzaro world I'm living in. I call about 4 cab companies before finding one that can pick me up and take me to the towing company.
3:15am Saturday
A guy who was getting gas starts walking towards the store part of the gas station. I inform him that it's closed as he gets closer. He is overweight, bald, and has a very friendly lisp. He asks how my night is going and I give him a brief rundown of the recent events and tell him I'm waiting for a cab to take me to my towed car. Suddenly, this guy really wants to give me a ride there. I explain that he probably doesn't know where the towing company is. He says that he has GPS. I explain that I used 411 to get the cab company number and couldn't call them back to cancel since I didn't have the number. He suggests giving the driver $5 when he showed up to take off. Meanwhile, this guy asks me to stand behind his car while he stuffs a bunch of shit that was on the passenger seat into a large black trashbag which he throws in the trunk. For reasons that I would rather not guess, he wanted to be sure that I kept my distance as he stuffed that shit in the bag. I get more and more freaked out. Finally the cab arrives. I thank the creepy gay guy for his offer before refusing, once again, and jumping in the cab. Gay guy looked annoyed. I praised the cabbie for arriving when he did and gave him a substantial tip.
3:25am Saturday
I pay the $225 to retrieve my towed car and head home. The bumper is stuffed in the back seat and my vehicle looks like it came from the set of Mad Max. I am shocked to be driving myself home after that run in with the police.
4:20am
I arrive home and am too wired to fall asleep until after 5:00am. I decide not to let the last five hours keep me from driving to Ohio the next morning. You can't pass up a concert when you have second row seats and The Man just gave you a get out of jail free card.
END PART I
I'm Down With The Brothers
or
Down With Disease
or
Fear and Loathing on I-294
or
"Freedom is just a hallucination created by a pathological lack of paranoia."
(all Toyota Park concert images/videos were taken by me)
It's hard to believe that I'm sitting here at my desk at work after that wacky weekend. I could be in jail...or dodging deer in a state forest in Ohio while waiting for the psilocybin to wear off...or having my bumperless Civic towed again...or stressing about paying $10,000 in court costs...or being raped and murdered and having my carcass stuffed in some gay guy's trunk. Hell, it's hard to believe that all this happened in 48 hours...but it did.
12:00pm Friday
I take a half day off from work to make sure I have time to make it through the Friday Chicago traffic in time to see Phish play at Toyota Park. I grab some beer, pick up some shit for my cat, and try to get a few things together so I can leave by 10:00am the next morning for Cleveland. The second Phish show of the tour was in Ohio and I was planning on going. I pound a couple beers and hit the road at about 3:45pm.
5:00pm Friday
I arrive on Phish lot and roam around aimlessly looking at the shit people are selling...glassware, headie crystals, water (what the fuck it's just a buck!), posters, shirts...and I drink a few more delicious Fat Tires. I run into a couple of girls who I shared a room with at Red Rocks last year and set off to see if I can find Wreckdm & Rye, the other two that I shared the room with. Apparently, Wreckdm was operating some sort of parking lot beer tent and Rye was selling posters again. I couldn't find either of them.
6:30pm Friday
I stake out my place on the floor before the GA area gets too crowded. A couple sits next to me. The fairly dumpy looking white guy introduces me to his black girlfriend, and says it's her first show. Occasionally you'll see a black dude at a Phish show, but NEVER a black girl. It's like running into a polar bear in a Louisiana swamp...I briefly consider asking if I can touch her hair. She seems amused by the whole scene and fascinated that authorities don't bother to crack down on the casual drug use. "Does it always smell this good at these concerts?" "So there are never any fights or anything?" "Why are people holding their finger in the air outside?" I drink a couple 24 oz Sierra Nevadas, smoke a little, and we chat until show time. The couple is from Gary. They met on Craigslist.
7:45pm Friday
Phish takes the stage for their tour opening show and kick things off with an energetic Down With Disease. It's a kickass show for a tour opener and they are already playing noticeably better than last year, no warm up gigs needed. Awesome song selection, too. Jesus Just Left Chicago, Wolfman's, Boogie On, Divided Sky, Reba, Ghost, Maze, Antelope, Julius, Horse->Silent...it was an awesome show.
11:30pm Friday
I'm on the road, heading back home, longingly thinking about my bed and mentally planning for my trip to Cleveland the next morning. I descend the ramp to merge onto I-294 and get in line to move into the gridlocked traffic. I stick my nose in front of a large truck and slowly inch forward as the car in front of me advances. Apparently, the Mack truck behind me was sick of letting people merge, though, so he decided to crash into the rear door of my car. I tried pulling away to avoid more contact after the initial impact, but my bumper ended up getting torn off and dragged lifelessly next to my car. He called the cops to report the accident and the first officer showed up.
12:15am Saturday
After talking to the truck driver to get his story first, the officer (black) asks me my story and immediately tells me that I smell like booze. I admit to drinking two beers several hours ago. I'm pretty sure that I'm down with the blacks after talking to that girl at the show, so I try to be as honest as possible. He asks if I will step behind the truck to take a field sobriety test. I comply.
12:18am Saturday
Backup squad arrives with another black officer. I'm 95% sure that I'm still down with the blacks.
12:20am Saturday
Since we're in a construction zone, the road has been ground down a few inches below the curb/drainage area. The cop puts me on the elevated, angled curb and plans to have me walk the line. I explain that it doesn't feel like a level surface and ask for a better area. I am in flip flops. We move to the street.
12:23am Saturday
I execute 9 heel-to-toe steps (in flip flops), counting off each step. I then pivot on my left foot and take nine steps back (as instructed). It was a flawless dance, performed with the grace and poise of a modern day Gene Kelly. I briefly consider doing a quick 360 spin and showing the cop my jazz hands. Instead I just smirk at the officer and raise my eyebrows as if to say, "Is that all you've got."
12:26am Saturday
He takes out a pen and has me follow the tip back and forth using my eyes only. I know he is looking for eyeball-wobble when my eyes are at the edge. I alter my focus to try to beat it. He spends at least 2 full minutes testing me.
12:30am Saturday
I stand straight with my hands at my side, lift my right leg 10 inches off the ground, and begin counting up from one. I make eye contact with the officer as I perform and at 23,24,25 I start sing-songing the numbers to sound bored with the test. I don't shake or wobble or anything, I was a rock. An oak.
12:31am Saturday
The officer says, "I have one more test that I'd like to administer to you, will you take the breathalyzer?"
"If I passed the field sobriety test, I would prefer not to."
"I didn't say you passed."
"I would prefer not to take the breathalyzer if you are satisfied with how I performed the other tests."
"Do you have any beer in your car?"
"Yes, sir. In the back seat."
"Have a seat in my squad car."
12:35am Saturday
The officer sends the backup cop to get the beer from my car, which apparently is code for "poke around and see if you find anything incriminating." Moments later he comes back shining a flashlight proudly on a glass jar of beautiful nuggets.
"What do we have here?"
"That...is a little bit of marijuana."
"Step out of the vehicle."
12:40am Saturday
I am cuffed, now, in the front seat--hands wedged behind my back. I help the officer fill out my arrest report. I recite my memorized license plate number, the first half of my drivers license number...I help him spell the word "analyst". I say "yes sir" and "no sir" a fuckload of times. I ingratiate myself and stare helplessly at the floor of the car. At some point, he tells me that I'm just getting one ticket for improper lane use ($75). "That's a lot better than a DUI, I'm doing you a favor."
"Yes, sir. I'm not complaining, sir."
1:15am Saturday
Finally, a tow truck comes to take my vehicle. We drive away to the Bridgeview Police Department so I can be processed. My right hand is handcuffed to the wall as one officer fills out more paper work and the other tries to figure out how to get the camera working to take my picture & fingerprints. We were in there for hours. The officers were not masters of efficiency...or following procedures. Among the things that happened:
A cop accidentally locked us inside the processing room and had to call the front desk for help.
A cop took several personal phone calls while I was being booked.
A gun was left on a table within easy reach of my uncuffed hand while the cop who owned it went to the other side of the room.
Statements from the arresting officer:
"So how many beers did you have?"
"Two."
"I'm putting down 'one' on this report."
"Ohhh, that weed is stinky! That's some good stuff!"
"Yeah, I got the beer on the inventory report...organic beer!"
"Now, it looks like you have something loaded in this pipe. You didn't smoke this today, did you?"
"No sir."
3:10am Saturday
Finally, I'm released after posting $100 bond for my court date. The officers instruct me to walk to a nearby gas station and get a ride. As I exit the building one of them calls back to me, "Hey man," I turn to look behind me, "Just say no!" he says with a smile. I force a laugh as I take off and wonder what the fuck kind of bizzaro world I'm living in. I call about 4 cab companies before finding one that can pick me up and take me to the towing company.
3:15am Saturday
A guy who was getting gas starts walking towards the store part of the gas station. I inform him that it's closed as he gets closer. He is overweight, bald, and has a very friendly lisp. He asks how my night is going and I give him a brief rundown of the recent events and tell him I'm waiting for a cab to take me to my towed car. Suddenly, this guy really wants to give me a ride there. I explain that he probably doesn't know where the towing company is. He says that he has GPS. I explain that I used 411 to get the cab company number and couldn't call them back to cancel since I didn't have the number. He suggests giving the driver $5 when he showed up to take off. Meanwhile, this guy asks me to stand behind his car while he stuffs a bunch of shit that was on the passenger seat into a large black trashbag which he throws in the trunk. For reasons that I would rather not guess, he wanted to be sure that I kept my distance as he stuffed that shit in the bag. I get more and more freaked out. Finally the cab arrives. I thank the creepy gay guy for his offer before refusing, once again, and jumping in the cab. Gay guy looked annoyed. I praised the cabbie for arriving when he did and gave him a substantial tip.
3:25am Saturday
I pay the $225 to retrieve my towed car and head home. The bumper is stuffed in the back seat and my vehicle looks like it came from the set of Mad Max. I am shocked to be driving myself home after that run in with the police.
4:20am
I arrive home and am too wired to fall asleep until after 5:00am. I decide not to let the last five hours keep me from driving to Ohio the next morning. You can't pass up a concert when you have second row seats and The Man just gave you a get out of jail free card.
END PART I
posted by The Youngest at 10:47 AM
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