My Finger Hurts
Update! Monstro went to the web site of the Ecuadoreans(Yes, I had no idea they had computers in Ecuador, either) and found a picture of the asshole who mangled my finger.
While in Rio, we happened to train one morning with a group of BJJ guys visiting from Ecuador. I was paired with a giant blue belt with an ugly face who stomped around at 220lbs. I don’t know who this guy was trying to impress, but he was super aggressive, and out of control. A few minutes into our spar, he plowed into me just as I was using my right hand to frame against his body. My right ring finger became separated from his brothers, and bent at an awkward, unnatural angle.
left: Dirty* Ecuadorean Asshole
I continued grappling, broke the posture of the big, dumb animal laying on top of me, and held him down with my left hand so I could inspect my right finger. It looked crooked. We continued to grapple when the same damned thing happened to the same damned finger. So now, almost two months later, my finger hurts.
I asked a RN at our office what I should do about it.
"Well. Even if it was broke, it's too late now to rebrake and fix it. It'll be fine after a while, but it will be crooked for the rest of your life."
Another door closed. I will never be a hand model with lovely shaped, and beautifully delecate hands:
In addition to my finger, my body was wracked with minor injuries and soreness upon returning, so I made an appointment with Noi, my massage therapist. Noi is a rotten sadist in her early 40s, a native of Thailand, who never fails to bring tears of pain to my eyes. After Noi heard that I train Jiu Jitsu, she began claiming victory at the end of my massages. “Who won?” She asks me after inducing pain on par with delivering a breech birth. “You did,” I reply.
“I always win.”
As she was finishing my massage, and yanking on my fingers individually, probing for weakness, I gave her a warning not to yank on my injured finger. She took a good look at it, squeezed it a few times, and then took a steaming hot towel out of her rice cooker. She proceeded to take the swollen knuckle and knead the shit out of it for several minutes. The pain, which originated from my finger, exploded in waves throughout my entire body. I didn’t have time to question her motives. After she finished, she blew on my finger like blowing out a match, a procedure I doubt has positive medical outcomes associated with it. As I was twisting in pain, I wondered how direct pressure could possibly help a sprain of this sort. As if reading my mind, she mumbled something about needing to "stretch the tendons."
Ordinarily, a couple days after a torture session with Noi, my physical pain disappears entirely. I first went to her after my lower back had been sore for months, and she healed me - it was like magic. My finger, however, remains swollen and painful.
And then last night, I had a dream that my finger was pulsing and glowing bright neon blue where I had injured it, and I could sense it had special properties. I showed my finger to someone at work who told me it was a curse, and that he had special powers as well, and wish he hadn’t. I left the room and walked into another room. The same person was there, but this time he explained to me how to use the power, and opened his eyelid right next to my finger, and energy flowed from his eye to my finger, which glowed bright blue, pulsing and throbbing.
*You might wonder how I knew he was a "Dirty" Ecuador. A Fillipino/Mexican-American, who is dating an Ecudorean, told me so. (And he's been to Ecuador)
Update! Monstro went to the web site of the Ecuadoreans(Yes, I had no idea they had computers in Ecuador, either) and found a picture of the asshole who mangled my finger.
While in Rio, we happened to train one morning with a group of BJJ guys visiting from Ecuador. I was paired with a giant blue belt with an ugly face who stomped around at 220lbs. I don’t know who this guy was trying to impress, but he was super aggressive, and out of control. A few minutes into our spar, he plowed into me just as I was using my right hand to frame against his body. My right ring finger became separated from his brothers, and bent at an awkward, unnatural angle.
I continued grappling, broke the posture of the big, dumb animal laying on top of me, and held him down with my left hand so I could inspect my right finger. It looked crooked. We continued to grapple when the same damned thing happened to the same damned finger. So now, almost two months later, my finger hurts.
I asked a RN at our office what I should do about it.
"Well. Even if it was broke, it's too late now to rebrake and fix it. It'll be fine after a while, but it will be crooked for the rest of your life."
Another door closed. I will never be a hand model with lovely shaped, and beautifully delecate hands:
In addition to my finger, my body was wracked with minor injuries and soreness upon returning, so I made an appointment with Noi, my massage therapist. Noi is a rotten sadist in her early 40s, a native of Thailand, who never fails to bring tears of pain to my eyes. After Noi heard that I train Jiu Jitsu, she began claiming victory at the end of my massages. “Who won?” She asks me after inducing pain on par with delivering a breech birth. “You did,” I reply.
“I always win.”
As she was finishing my massage, and yanking on my fingers individually, probing for weakness, I gave her a warning not to yank on my injured finger. She took a good look at it, squeezed it a few times, and then took a steaming hot towel out of her rice cooker. She proceeded to take the swollen knuckle and knead the shit out of it for several minutes. The pain, which originated from my finger, exploded in waves throughout my entire body. I didn’t have time to question her motives. After she finished, she blew on my finger like blowing out a match, a procedure I doubt has positive medical outcomes associated with it. As I was twisting in pain, I wondered how direct pressure could possibly help a sprain of this sort. As if reading my mind, she mumbled something about needing to "stretch the tendons."
Ordinarily, a couple days after a torture session with Noi, my physical pain disappears entirely. I first went to her after my lower back had been sore for months, and she healed me - it was like magic. My finger, however, remains swollen and painful.
And then last night, I had a dream that my finger was pulsing and glowing bright neon blue where I had injured it, and I could sense it had special properties. I showed my finger to someone at work who told me it was a curse, and that he had special powers as well, and wish he hadn’t. I left the room and walked into another room. The same person was there, but this time he explained to me how to use the power, and opened his eyelid right next to my finger, and energy flowed from his eye to my finger, which glowed bright blue, pulsing and throbbing.
*You might wonder how I knew he was a "Dirty" Ecuador. A Fillipino/Mexican-American, who is dating an Ecudorean, told me so. (And he's been to Ecuador)
posted by Mezz0 at 12:23 PM
1 Comments:
Captain - of the three or four people reading this blog, I am sure you have the least delecate fingers of all of us, so I will not threaten to wrist-lock you the next time I see you.
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