My Election 2008 Top Ten Highlights
10) Voting in the showroom at my local Jeep dealership. How many people in this great nation of ours had their oil changed while they voted? Not enough, I say. Not enough.
9) Massachusetts decriminalized marijuana possession. As you were, citizen, being red-eyed and giggly is no longer a crime.
8) Voting on all of those crazy California propositions. All my life, I watched these things with rapt attention. Would elementary school lunch programs be required to serve vegan alternatives? Will all California farm animals be assigned a personal valet, and legal emancipation at 18? The one that got a lot of press this year was banning homosexual marriage, but the most insane was building a high speed bullet train from Los Angeles to San Fransisco. And it passed! They say it will cost $10 billion, however, once we declare victory over all that empty space in the middle of the dessert, the bullet train will fund itself.
7) Medical marijuana is legal in Michigan, which is like, a two-joint road trip from Chicago. I can haz cateracts?
6) The Stuart Smalley race. The Youngest and I were there at the very, very, very beginning. Stuart had just formed a PAC, and to get the word out, he called his old pal Leo Kottke to play his ten-string guitar for a few songs in downtown Minneapolis.
The Youngest caught wind of the concert cum political rally and we heard the famous virtuoso perform live, gratis. He sounded incredible. Afterwords, an elderly man free associated about Stuart's early life. He rambled for a long, long time. The crowd grew restless, and after 30 minutes, someone yelled "Get him off!" Stuart interrupted, put his arm around the man, and walked him off the stage. When Stuart began to speak in lofty political rhetoric with a preacher's voice "And I came back to Minnesota TO HELP CHANGE THINGS!" the Youngest and I knew that Kottke wouldn't be coming back, so we left, apparently in doing so, we made quite a commotion and were scolded by a handler. Then we got drunk at Liquor Liles and played the Sopranos pinball machine for a few hours. These were some of the precious moments of my twenties.
5) Hearing that the Youngest scored tickets to the Barrack Hussian Obama victory rally, and then sold a ticket for $300. Watching history unfold feels even better with $300 in your pocket. "That one" is already paying off!
4) Voting Libertarian. Why is this one of the top ten? Because I feel a smug sense of superiority over all you jackasses that threw your vote away, and perpetuated the two party system that is responsible for the mess we find ourselves in today, and let's not kid ourselves here, regardless of that clean cut, and well spoken young man who will be taking the reigns of the bucking bronco that is the United States economy in a couple of months, we are FUCKED. Problems that can be solved by the system are one thing, but problems in the system itself require bloody revolution.
3) My old alma mater made fools of themselves for hiring a professor named Phil Busse who stole a bunch of McCain lawn signs and called it one of the most exhilarating moments of his life. We have something in common. Petty vandalism (and running from the cops) was one of the most exhilarating moments of my life...When I was 14. These days I find a brilliant quatrain, an earthy Chardonnay from Sonoma, or discussing advanced theories of bioluminescence much more invigorating.
2) An admitted past user of cocaine, and current cigarette smoker is on his way to the White House. We can no longer tell our children that drugs will prevent you from achieving great accomplishments in your life, and cigarettes have just become cool again.
1) Free coffee at Starbucks. The Bossman and I took advantage of an election day promotion to "take a coffee" and discuss how difficult it is to actually write a screenplay, as opposed to judging the screenplays of others. Then he made lewd comments about the women that passed by on Santa Monica Blvd. We returned to work after an hour or so. He seemed grateful not only for the free coffee, but for the opportunity to kill an hour of his endless work day. He stopped by my desk later on so that we could walk out to the parking garage together. I told him I was still working. He said on what? I told him. He said can't it wait until tomorrow?
10) Voting in the showroom at my local Jeep dealership. How many people in this great nation of ours had their oil changed while they voted? Not enough, I say. Not enough.
9) Massachusetts decriminalized marijuana possession. As you were, citizen, being red-eyed and giggly is no longer a crime.
8) Voting on all of those crazy California propositions. All my life, I watched these things with rapt attention. Would elementary school lunch programs be required to serve vegan alternatives? Will all California farm animals be assigned a personal valet, and legal emancipation at 18? The one that got a lot of press this year was banning homosexual marriage, but the most insane was building a high speed bullet train from Los Angeles to San Fransisco. And it passed! They say it will cost $10 billion, however, once we declare victory over all that empty space in the middle of the dessert, the bullet train will fund itself.
7) Medical marijuana is legal in Michigan, which is like, a two-joint road trip from Chicago. I can haz cateracts?
6) The Stuart Smalley race. The Youngest and I were there at the very, very, very beginning. Stuart had just formed a PAC, and to get the word out, he called his old pal Leo Kottke to play his ten-string guitar for a few songs in downtown Minneapolis.
The Youngest caught wind of the concert cum political rally and we heard the famous virtuoso perform live, gratis. He sounded incredible. Afterwords, an elderly man free associated about Stuart's early life. He rambled for a long, long time. The crowd grew restless, and after 30 minutes, someone yelled "Get him off!" Stuart interrupted, put his arm around the man, and walked him off the stage. When Stuart began to speak in lofty political rhetoric with a preacher's voice "And I came back to Minnesota TO HELP CHANGE THINGS!" the Youngest and I knew that Kottke wouldn't be coming back, so we left, apparently in doing so, we made quite a commotion and were scolded by a handler. Then we got drunk at Liquor Liles and played the Sopranos pinball machine for a few hours. These were some of the precious moments of my twenties.
5) Hearing that the Youngest scored tickets to the Barrack Hussian Obama victory rally, and then sold a ticket for $300. Watching history unfold feels even better with $300 in your pocket. "That one" is already paying off!
4) Voting Libertarian. Why is this one of the top ten? Because I feel a smug sense of superiority over all you jackasses that threw your vote away, and perpetuated the two party system that is responsible for the mess we find ourselves in today, and let's not kid ourselves here, regardless of that clean cut, and well spoken young man who will be taking the reigns of the bucking bronco that is the United States economy in a couple of months, we are FUCKED. Problems that can be solved by the system are one thing, but problems in the system itself require bloody revolution.
3) My old alma mater made fools of themselves for hiring a professor named Phil Busse who stole a bunch of McCain lawn signs and called it one of the most exhilarating moments of his life. We have something in common. Petty vandalism (and running from the cops) was one of the most exhilarating moments of my life...When I was 14. These days I find a brilliant quatrain, an earthy Chardonnay from Sonoma, or discussing advanced theories of bioluminescence much more invigorating.
2) An admitted past user of cocaine, and current cigarette smoker is on his way to the White House. We can no longer tell our children that drugs will prevent you from achieving great accomplishments in your life, and cigarettes have just become cool again.
1) Free coffee at Starbucks. The Bossman and I took advantage of an election day promotion to "take a coffee" and discuss how difficult it is to actually write a screenplay, as opposed to judging the screenplays of others. Then he made lewd comments about the women that passed by on Santa Monica Blvd. We returned to work after an hour or so. He seemed grateful not only for the free coffee, but for the opportunity to kill an hour of his endless work day. He stopped by my desk later on so that we could walk out to the parking garage together. I told him I was still working. He said on what? I told him. He said can't it wait until tomorrow?
Labels: Los Angeles
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