Enter Sandman
My number one challenge at work is entertaining my boss, who struggles to occupy his time during his endless 7-hour work day. He drags me to long lunches, lingering coffee breaks*, and long bull sessions. I feel obliged to humor him because he has direct control over how much money I make. He loves discussing books, movies, cultural differences between India and the United States, how much money he made when he first got a job in 1995, how much money he makes now, his ten year old son's kick ass tennis game, his ten year old son's kick ass artistic talents, his ten year old son's popularity at school, and sex**.
I'm sure you, the astute reader, are thinking, "Yes, this is a delightful romp of a blog post, however, what does this have to do with the Sandman?"
Well, you see, I've come up with a technique to stay productive as we discuss why Indians wag their head back and forth when you talk to them. I have a grip strengthener that I pull out and squeeze until either my arm feels like it's about to fall off or he stops talking. Usually it is the former. I've been developing my grip because a strong grip is particularly useful in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu for choking people.
On Saturday, I was grappling with someone who out weighed me by a good 20 pounds, and I caught him in a collar choke. It felt deep, but he didn't tap out, so I applied even more pressure. After a few seconds, his body went limp, his eyes closed, and he lost consciousness. I jumped up and called for help, because there's techniques to revive people. He was only out for ten seconds or so, and when he woke up, it was like nothing had ever happened. The head instructor mocked my response, and told a story about how one of the black belts, when he was just a white belt, choked someone unconscious, and then jumped up and screamed, "CALL 911! CALL 911!"
Four days later, it happened again. With the same collar choke, the dumb motherfucker I was grappling with decided that he wasn't in trouble, and didn't tap out when I had a deep choke locked in. He went limp and began having minor convulsions.
After class, my instructor was a little pissed off. I partially understand. He can't have people getting choked unconscious with that kind of regularity. I made my case, and explained how I'm usually careful, but WTF, these guys have to tap! He asked me if I've ever been put to sleep before. I said, "No," he said, "Well you will soon."
This is sort of troubling, as nine out of ten doctors recommend not blocking the blood supply to your brain blocked to the point of passing out.
This is what it looks like:
*Literal coffee breaks like I imagine people used to have in like the 60's. Here's how it works. You enter the break room with your coworkers, pour yourselves a cup of coffee, and sit around and bullshit. I was dumbfounded myself at first. Also, I'm really growing fond of Indians.
**He once told me that women hit their peak sexual attractiveness at 14 years old. If I learned anything in college, it's that in a multicultural environment, one cannot make value judgments against another culture, particular if that culture is a member of the "other" group, that is, an ethnic or racial minority and the judgment is being made by the dominant culture. So for me to call my Boss a sick motherfucker is to be branded a racist, so let's just say I believe women hit their peak physical beauty when they are, *ahem*, women.***
***Oh who am I kidding?
My number one challenge at work is entertaining my boss, who struggles to occupy his time during his endless 7-hour work day. He drags me to long lunches, lingering coffee breaks*, and long bull sessions. I feel obliged to humor him because he has direct control over how much money I make. He loves discussing books, movies, cultural differences between India and the United States, how much money he made when he first got a job in 1995, how much money he makes now, his ten year old son's kick ass tennis game, his ten year old son's kick ass artistic talents, his ten year old son's popularity at school, and sex**.
I'm sure you, the astute reader, are thinking, "Yes, this is a delightful romp of a blog post, however, what does this have to do with the Sandman?"
Well, you see, I've come up with a technique to stay productive as we discuss why Indians wag their head back and forth when you talk to them. I have a grip strengthener that I pull out and squeeze until either my arm feels like it's about to fall off or he stops talking. Usually it is the former. I've been developing my grip because a strong grip is particularly useful in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu for choking people.
On Saturday, I was grappling with someone who out weighed me by a good 20 pounds, and I caught him in a collar choke. It felt deep, but he didn't tap out, so I applied even more pressure. After a few seconds, his body went limp, his eyes closed, and he lost consciousness. I jumped up and called for help, because there's techniques to revive people. He was only out for ten seconds or so, and when he woke up, it was like nothing had ever happened. The head instructor mocked my response, and told a story about how one of the black belts, when he was just a white belt, choked someone unconscious, and then jumped up and screamed, "CALL 911! CALL 911!"
Four days later, it happened again. With the same collar choke, the dumb motherfucker I was grappling with decided that he wasn't in trouble, and didn't tap out when I had a deep choke locked in. He went limp and began having minor convulsions.
After class, my instructor was a little pissed off. I partially understand. He can't have people getting choked unconscious with that kind of regularity. I made my case, and explained how I'm usually careful, but WTF, these guys have to tap! He asked me if I've ever been put to sleep before. I said, "No," he said, "Well you will soon."
This is sort of troubling, as nine out of ten doctors recommend not blocking the blood supply to your brain blocked to the point of passing out.
This is what it looks like:
*Literal coffee breaks like I imagine people used to have in like the 60's. Here's how it works. You enter the break room with your coworkers, pour yourselves a cup of coffee, and sit around and bullshit. I was dumbfounded myself at first. Also, I'm really growing fond of Indians.
**He once told me that women hit their peak sexual attractiveness at 14 years old. If I learned anything in college, it's that in a multicultural environment, one cannot make value judgments against another culture, particular if that culture is a member of the "other" group, that is, an ethnic or racial minority and the judgment is being made by the dominant culture. So for me to call my Boss a sick motherfucker is to be branded a racist, so let's just say I believe women hit their peak physical beauty when they are, *ahem*, women.***
***Oh who am I kidding?
posted by Mezz0 at 11:03 PM
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