Cabbages, Knickers

During my last visit to LA, Mezzo and I were discussing how there are a number of songs that, as we have aged, have become completely unlistenable. "I feel a unique privilege to have grown up at a time in American history where I had the luxury of listening to a massive catalog of music, " he said, "I used to love all sorts of classic rock, for example…but now I can barely tolerate the vast majority of it."

"Fuckin-A," I replied, "When I hear Steve Miller Band's "The Joker", I instantly get this terrible nausea deep in the pit of my stomach. My immediate impulse is to grab a pen and punch in my ear drums to stop the horrible sound…that is, before the rational side of my brain takes over and tells me to simply change the radio station."

"It's terrible!" Mezzo agreed, "and I used to like that song!"

This is the exact sort of thing that Alex from A Clockwork Orange experienced after undergoing the Ludovico Technique…the doctors injected him with nausea-inducing drugs and forced him to watch offensive images while listening to his favorite artist, Beethoven. This not only caused poor Alex to vomit when confronted by violence, but it also made Beethoven completely unbearable.

The obvious difference is that none of us are drugged and forced to watch something like "Friends" while listening to the greatest hits of the 60's and 70's.

The easiest explanation would be that this is due to the fact that the offending songs are simply overplayed, either by the radio or the listener (or a combination of both). You might hear someone say, "Sure, I used to love that Umbrella song, but after hearing it for the 300th time in two weeks, I got sick of it."

But that sort of sickness is much less extreme, it's just a minor annoyance. Additionally, I can listen to any Led Zeppelin, Bob Marley, or Beatles songs--songs that I have heard thousands of times--and still enjoy the hell out of them.

The Eagles, on the other hand, have become so offensive to me that I can't even admire the silliness of the song "Desperado" anymore. Instead, I'm so disgusted that I'm forced to sympathize with the character of the poor desperado. His entire existence is eternally frozen in time by the notes and words of that fucking music.

…so if it isn't simply repetition, then, what causes this horrible discomfort that we feel? My thought is that it's due to a person's evolving taste in music. "How could I ever have liked listening to this?" the brain asks subconsciously, "This is terrible!". Then the brain answers, "But we have excellent taste in music, this must be good" "No it isn't!" "It has to be!" "Nooooo!"

At this point the brain defecates, releasing nausea-inducing chemicals in an attempt to purge our bodies of the offensive material that is causing this contradictory reasoning…

So, ultimately, perhaps we are not that much different from Alex after all.

Female Psychiatrist: Let's Begin
[Changes to a slide with two people looking at a peacock]
Female Psychiatrist: "Isn't the plumage beautiful?"
Alex: I'm supposed to say what the other person would say?
Female Psychiatrist: Yes, just tell me the first thing that comes to your mind.
Alex: Cabbages, knickers, It hasn't got A BEAK!
Female Psychiatrist: Good.