I am currently on Lorazepam, also known as Ativan (the image above is a no BS advertisement for the drug from 15 years ago. Actually, it may be more or less than 15 years, but right now I don't feel all that motivated to look it up.)

Many years ago, the Old Man was suffering from massive amounts of stress, and his CandyMan dosed him up on the stuff. This was the first time I ever beat my Dad in ping pong. What I thought was a defining moment in my life turns out to be due to the tranquilizing affects of the drug. I carried that win with me for twenty years, and now I realize that my whole competitive life has been based on a lie.

Now I am on the drug for the first time, and there is a thin layer of fog between me and the rest of the world. Criminals have been known to gobble these little numbers prior to armed robbery, etc. I'm about to lay someone off, he had it coming, but I'd still rather watch myself lay him off than actually lay him off myself.

I explained to the Old Man, upon arriving in Chicago, that I was experiencing debilitating bouts of panic and wasn't sure what to do. He suggested alcohol, which is a very strange thing for a Baptist to encourage, particularly because he has not really drank in several decades in order to be a good role model.

But I held out, and he gave me two capsules of prescription medication. He said to only take a quarter of a capsule at a time. I took half of one and flew into a wild panic (I considered forcing myself to vomit it out) that has subsided into a peaceful, easy feeling. I could get used to these, literally, as they are extremely addictive. Now it's time to be an agent of the creative destruction.