The Music of Chance

I've been following the presidential race regularly
for the past few months, and figured that I might as
well blog about it on the first day of the caucuses.
I'm not particularly interested in the politics of the
candidates.  The duties of the American president
rarely has any impact on my day-to-day life.  You
could dress any stooge in a pretty suit and let him
command the highest post our country has to offer and
the end result is always going to be More Of The Same.
Sure, we might find ourselves meddling in the
business of other parts of the world more, reducing
our personal freedoms here and there, or building large
border fences…depending on the stooge…but these things tend
to be cyclical.  Isolationism always eases back into vogue,
the constitution will never change, and fences can't
contain anyone over 6 years old.












Ron Paul is the only candidate taking a stand for
substantive change, but I get the feeling that this
country has had enough Texan presidents for the next
couple decades.  But come on.  Wouldn't you like to
see what happens if we go back to the gold standard
and eliminate the federal income tax?














The most fascinating aspect of the presidential race,
then, isn't the politics of the thing, it's the race
itself.  Somewhat similar to the Kentucky Derby, as
far as the popularity and the polling and odds-on
favorites, but the rest of it is like a chaotic
no-holds-barred-tag-team cock fight.  Eight savage
freaks thrown into the same ring--pecking at each
others' eyeballs, drooling for blood, ganging up on
each other…sleepless, mad, incoherent….and
occasionally quoting scripture.









Some people are offended by the shenanigans that go on
during this period.  The bad-mouthing and mud-slinging
tend to turn people off, they say.  I am of a
different mind.  One needs only to imagine the kind of
person who would actually seek the presidency of the
United States…imagine…imagine how far away your brain
is from that place where you wake up one morning and
say, "Yes, I am prepared to lead the most powerful
nation in the world and am excited and qualified to
handle all of the byproducts of this endeavor…the
scrutiny…the nuclear bombs…the death threats…living in
Washington D.C.  This is my destiny.  Excalibur!"

These people must all be fucking insane.

And so they must be tested.

Sociopathic megalomaniacs should not just receive the
keys to the kingdom without first allowing everyone to
see how they respond to pressure.  Every candidate
should get a few kicks to the ribs, a little spit in
the eye…some blood in the stool.  After all, this is
the sort of person that could go either way.  Either
they run for high office in the United States, or they
mutilate bodies and send notes to the local papers
explaining that God's righteous hand is guiding their
knife.

And so, after witnessing several months of this
silliness, it all comes down to choosing the right
gamble.  What I really need is a piece of the action.
Soon I will be finding an online gaming site that
allows wagers on the presidential election and I will
deposit $50.  Right now, I think I may go with Obama.
He's the only black horse in this race, and I always
bet my horses depending on their color.  $30 to win
(currently 7:2, I'd like him better at 4 or 5:1).

Since I don't think Hill-dog can win, and don't think
Romney (too Mormon) or Giuliani (too ugly/bald) will
make the cut, I think I'll hedge this bet with a $10
ticket on Huckabee to win (10:1).  He should stand the
best chance at motivating republican voters vs
Hill-dog, despite his recent populist rhetoric.  I
think Hill-dog could only win against Romney or
McCain.

I'm fucked if Edwards miracles it, but that guy's
nuttier than McCain peanut-brittle.

The other $10 will be spent on football playoff
wager(s).

Go Packers!