Welcome to my Poker Hell (Shit! Fuck! Goddammit!)




















Games Played vs Return on Investment

Well, I don't know how else to put it...I lack discipline....I done fucked up...I was riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave, kicked back and cruising...contented, for once, at the state of my poker game. I smiled sadly at my competition from time to time, wondering what I've been doing wrong for the last two years.

"Fuck it," I thought to myself, "now is the time to turn pro. Now is the time to develop a bankroll and make some serious money....now....pro" That's about the time you see the first significant dip on the chart.

3/9/2007 - I deposited $50 at PokerStars

55 games later I had about $700 in my account.

4/9/2007 - With 2o1 games under my belt and 30 days passed, I am down to $0.64

The plan I had was simple: Support my bankroll playing multi table tournies, and when I get ahead by enough, I play in a satellite to the WSOP....$80 single table sit n go here....$30 + rebuy tourney there....sooner or later $50 turns me pro.

"Enough" worked for the first 70 games and led directly to a horrific and shameful form of tilt that I haven't experienced for over a year. I lost a few 3 hour tournaments on the bubble by "bad beats". It didn't sit well...so I started playing three tournies at a time. That way I can focus on poker exclusively, and won't be bothered by the television.

It was terrible, I zoned into this attitude where I knew that I was better than all these fucking morons I was up against and yet I played worse than them every game....all of them....the whole fucking lot of them.

So I did the only logical thing you do when you know that it's your competition, not your game, holding you back. I started playing even more expensive games....more expensive buy in equals more skilled opponents. More skilled opponents plus a tilting, half retarded jackass pissing his winnings all over the table equals the second largest drop in the above graph.

Pffffffffffffffffffffffft

Like a fucking geyser, pissing everywhere, on everyone, in every room on the site...it was sick and gross and disturbing and people fucking loved me for it, games filled instantly after I registered. "Hey Frank, that donkey's at tournament 1432532!"

It was terrible, my bankroll was so severely depleted that it lacked any value whatsoever to me. So I played an $80 satellite with $120 in the bank and a quarter bottle of whiskey in my tummy.

Why not?

Finished third and was outchipped by 300 when I went all in. I won't tell what my opponent caught on the river, but I will tell you that the player who finished ahead of me and received his buyin back was sitting out all game and had only enough chips to cover about two orbits of the blinds. I received nothing but anger and blind rage in exchange for 1.5 hours and $80.

So I found two $10 tables let some steam out.

Then I had $20 in the bank.

Then $5

Then I ended up far from where I began...for one full week...Omaha Hi-Lo $1.75 buy in, 18 people. I mounted a comeback. I could place fairly regularly.

Back up to $27!

then I got drunk last night and must have entered an expensive MTT after playing several games of Omaha...my massive wave finally crashed. But I have learned some things after the most recent 200 games played...the same fucking things that I already knew:

Don't be a fucking idiot
Don't play while extremely drunk
Don't think that you're better than anyone at the table
Don't overbet
Don't give people odds
Don't get fancy
Play within your bankroll
Make the money

It's a simple fucking game and a winnable fucking game if you play smart.

$50 deposit after work tomorrow.

Let the grinding begin....

Will report after next 50 games...unless I turn pro first.

Here's the only thing that brought a smile to my face during that massive tilt. Two tournaments, two pocket aces dealt to me at the same time.