How To Win Big at the Kentucky Derby
16-19-13

Thanks, Animal Kingdom!











The board at Churchill Downs just after it was made official










1. Be unemployed
2. Have a small amount of investment capital
3. Be drunk at 1am and realize that the Kentucky Derby is on the next day with "a wide-open field"
4. Realize that "wide open field" is code for long odds and good payouts
5. Deposit $100 into a horse racing website
6. Buy racing form
7. Pick personal favorites on what I see
8. Read what other people think
9. Jot down inscrutable notes
10. Make $100 worth of trifecta box bets at 4am
11. Nervously sweat the 2 hour lead-in to the horse race the next day
12. Feel head explode when 16-19-13 hits
13. Promptly withdraw $988 into savings before drunkenly betting it all on something else