Here's How They Do Shit in Mexico

Note: my wisdom tooth was always in a runner's stance.











If my trusty Tijuana dentist knows what he's talking about, this should fix my problem.

10 weeks ago, when I had dental insurance, my American dentist gave me the option to fill this tooth instead of pulling it out. He should have pulled it.

I hopped in U's Mustang and we headed down to his city of birth, Tijuana, to receive some top-notch dental care. Unfortunately, the dentist that we were looking for was closed for the holidays. An office nearby was willing to look at me, though. I waited around for 5 minutes before being led back for x-rays and having my problem identified.

"Unfortunately, the only way we can help this is to pull it out. Have you eaten yet today? Why don't you go get a taco while we send for The Doctor. You will not be able to eat anything good for a few days after he's done...there's a great taco shop just a few doors down."

We went over to Tacos El Rey and had some delicious tacos before I returned and waited for the Doctor.

Dr. Sanchez (in broken English): Hello, you ready?

::The Youngest takes a deep breath::

Dr. Sanchez: Are you nervous?

The Youngest: Yes

Dr. Sanchez: Come on, macho. Mexican machos don't even need anesthesia!

The Youngest: Well I'm glad I'm an American.

What followed was horrific. The doctor positioned himself around my head so as to exert maximum leverage using his elbow and an assortment of bulky tools that vaguely resembled a marlin spike. At one point, he demanded a back-up instrument from the assistant and began cranking on my tooth in the opposite direction. He was grabbing at my tooth so hard, it felt like my jaw was going to snap on the opposite side. It took about 4-5 goes of prying on each side, following each time with some hardcore wiggling. He grabbed my chin with his opposite hand to keep my jaw in place as he cranked some more. I was worried he wasn't making any progress until I felt the sweet sensation of losing contact with a numbed nerve (combined with the sound of my gums ripping and tearing the surrounding area.

When he pulled back, sweat was streaming down my forehead. The assistant made sure I wasn't about to pass out before giving me the post-op lowdown.


















All that for $120. Without dental insurance, in the US, it would have cost at least $150 just to have a dentist look at my mouth...without x-rays.

Who needs a job?
I gamble!

1901 New York Craps Game














I decided to split the $1,000 pool with the only person remaining after last week.

$15 -> $503

Now I get to take that money and go to Tijuana to have some dental work done! Yaaaay!

Something has gone terribly wrong with at least one tooth that received fillings a mere two months ago. It doesn't feel like there's a gap (like when a filling is out) but when mildly warm or cool liquid passes over my lower right molars, I experience a pain that is so sharp and intense that it's impossible to pinpoint. It travels along both sides of my jaw and up each temple, finally meeting at the top of my skull before subsiding. It's a unique and extreme pain unlike any I have experienced before.

The few times I've tested the area to see if it's getting better, I have found myself hitting the heel of my hand against the side of my head in an attempt to dull the painful result.

I'm thinking a filling is dislodged or maybe it fractured the inner part of a tooth...I dunno. I suspect something went bad near a nerve. I was eating a rolled taco from Los Burritos when it all went wrong. I took a bite and it felt like something in my mouth changed mid-bite. When I took a swig of beer I was met with pure fucking agony. Through the magic of Yelp, I can show you the exact dish that made $400 of dental work feel like it did more harm than good.

It was the 3 rolled tacos meal.



















Just to be clear, I blame my doctor, not the delicious Mexican food. My teeth didn't feel right for a couple weeks after having that work done and I now suspect that he made a couple too-deep fillings instead of suggesting a root canal...which is what I may be in store for now.

So...anyone know a good doctor in Tijuana?

All I really want for Christmas is the ability to drink a beer without tilting my head 45 degrees to the left while twirling my tongue in such a matter that I prevent any liquid from trickling down my right cheek and making contact with The Area.

Even a single drop can set it off.

Fuck!

30 Minutes or Less
I haven't had a pizza delivered here yet, but I did have some Headband and Lavender Kush dropped off a few minutes ago. No extra charge for delivery and it came in about 45 minutes...plus a free joint.

Fuck yeah!

Thanks to the kind folks over at The Viridis Tree!

Like Christmas in July!
(only in December)












Thank you Bolts!

San Diego knocked me out of my massive $80k pool with a loss two weeks ago (the same day I arrived in San Diego), but they got me through safely this week with a dominant 34-7 win over San Francisco. I'm one of three left in the $1k pool, so here's who to root for Sunday 12/18:











We want Denver to beat Oakland (they are 6.5 point underdogs on the road)
and
We want Detroit to beat Tampa Bay (they are 5.5 point underdogs on the road)

If both teams pull the upset, I'm Up $1,005!

If You're Wondering Where To Find...

The Social Security Administration Office of Chula Vista, look next to the conspicuous taco stand.

Born Again, Cali-forn-I-am
Is Katy Perry really that bad? Is the weather really that nice? Is it really that easy to get weed?

Yes, yes, and yes!

View from my bedroom, con el gato de La Primera
"Cookie Dough". Note sunshine, palm tree, blue skies.

















I'm one week removed from the chaotic wintery hell of the midwest. Within that one week, blizzards caused the roof to collapse at the iconic Hubert H Humphrey Metrodome. Blizzards. Blizzards in a city that I used to live in. It took me back to my time in Minnesota, back when I was a delivery driver in Minneapolis.












When I got lost and needed to get my bearings, that ugly roof was my homing beacon, my North Star. Seeing its lifeless shell deflated reminded me of those deliveries. It reminded me of the puddles of slush I'd sink into while wheeling a dolly loaded with boxes behind me. It reminded me of the fear of approaching a red light without any momentum to myself through the muck that had pooled in the intersection. It reminded me of the time I tapped my brakes and skidded two full rotations amid four lanes of rush hour traffic.











It reminded my of the time I was walking through several feet of snow to a distant Airstream trailer for an enjoyable weekend in the north woods with some friends. I became overwhelmed with heat and exhaustion on the hike in. The snow was too deep for my chubby body. I was crotch-deep in wet snow, exhausted, and throwing up all over the place. I gathered myself and marched on another 20 yards before my boot slipped off during a step. While struggling to get my foot back in place beneath layers of snow, I was compelled to throw up for a second time.

My friends, tired of offering encouragement, carried on ahead. I considered not calling out for them to check back on me...it seemed like less of an issue if I simply rested in the cool snow and let my body succumb to the elements. That boot was going to be cold and wet for the rest of the weekend anyway.














This is what winter does to people. Why would anyone subject their person to such insane nonsense? Is it some devil that gets inside of us?

Fuck!










The same day that the roof was collapsing in Minneapolis, I was basking in 84 degree weather in sunny Chula Vista (seriously, it was 84), smoking another bong of the best marijuana available to man (legally, mind you) and getting ready to stuff myself, once again, with the succulent fire-grilled flavors of El Pollo Loco (thanks for the tip, Breaking Bad). Good christ, I am loving this food. I much prefer "Flour or corn tortilla?" at the drive-thru instead of "You want fries with that?"

Who gives a shit if I'm unemployed, catless, and I drink too much? At least I am not experiencing my 30th midwest winter.

Also, it looks like I've got a new cat on the way. In the wake of Kid-A, baddest of the bad-ass motherfucking cats that ever lived, I present to you (the temporarily named) Plan-B.













I'll be picking him up on Sunday.

He might be a Bernie.